(Men laughing)
Naive Woman: "What? Right down there, he's laying pipe."
Miscellaneous Delaware Bank
Overheard by Hortence
Archive for January, 2008
The Conception Of A Sexual Harassment Lawsuit
Thursday, January 31st, 2008
Naive Woman (looking out window at construction site): "There's a man outside laying pipe."
(Men laughing)
Naive Woman: "What? Right down there, he's laying pipe."
Miscellaneous Delaware Bank
Overheard by Hortence
(Men laughing)
Naive Woman: "What? Right down there, he's laying pipe."
Miscellaneous Delaware Bank
Overheard by Hortence
If by “Discount Shopping” You Mean “Anonymous Barebacking”
Thursday, January 31st, 2008Young girl with Texan accent #1: What's Soho?
Young girl with Texan accent #2: Oh, that's like where they have all the discount shopping places.
--R train
Headline by: dan
Runners-Up:
"Bush Twins.......Activate!" - stephie
"In Texas, We Call It Mexico..." - Michael Haigh
"There's a Wal-Mart in SoHo?" - Chuckles
"They Were Disappointed with DUMBO, Too." - nick
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
He’ll Forget It, Though; She Won’t
Thursday, January 31st, 2008White People Come to Understand Hip Hop Very Gradually Indeed
Thursday, January 31st, 2008The Truth Is Too Boring to Tell
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008But Don’t Quit Your Day Job
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008But Don’t Quit Your Day Job
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Wednesday One-Liners, by Calvin Klein
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
--Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
--JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
--Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke -- it smelled ripe down there. I be all, 'Jimmy... D-A-M-N! I'm too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.'
--W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
--Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I'm sure she smells better now, bro!
--Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Wednesday One-Liners, by Calvin Klein
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
--Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
--JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
--Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke -- it smelled ripe down there. I be all, 'Jimmy... D-A-M-N! I'm too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.'
--W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
--Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I'm sure she smells better now, bro!
--Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
People Move to New York to Escape Their Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Man introducing lady friend to pal: This is Lucille, my ex-wife... She's my second cousin... She was also my second wife.
--136th St, Harlem
Middle-aged woman: I have such a bad memory! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daughter, 'How do I spell my name?'
--D train
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Loud woman on cell: She's evil! Don't you know she killed mama? That's the family secret!
--Q83 bus
Overheard by: It's Jady, BiTChesss!!
Guy talking on cell: I completely understand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sister in the head with an iron!
--11th Ave
Lady: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don't know why... She's such an ungrateful little bitch.
--Grand Central
Man on cell: ... So she said, 'There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it... You have a four-year-old son.'
--26th & Park
Overheard by: Nick
People Move to New York to Escape Their Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Man introducing lady friend to pal: This is Lucille, my ex-wife... She's my second cousin... She was also my second wife.
--136th St, Harlem
Middle-aged woman: I have such a bad memory! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daughter, 'How do I spell my name?'
--D train
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Loud woman on cell: She's evil! Don't you know she killed mama? That's the family secret!
--Q83 bus
Overheard by: It's Jady, BiTChesss!!
Guy talking on cell: I completely understand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sister in the head with an iron!
--11th Ave
Lady: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don't know why... She's such an ungrateful little bitch.
--Grand Central
Man on cell: ... So she said, 'There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it... You have a four-year-old son.'
--26th & Park
Overheard by: Nick
But It’s All Downhill From There
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Young blonde woman: The day I found out I'm going to the Republican Convention was the best day of my life!
IDS Crystal Court
Overheard by Whatever makes you happy.
You’re Not Very Good At This
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Girl #1: Oooo, we should get some Fosters to commemorate Heath!
Girl #2: Yeah, let's do it!! Fosters: It's Australian for water.
Dinkytown liquor store
Overheard by Mourning Mr. Ledger.
That Means Different Things To Different People
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Girl: I found out that his cutting himself was him getting angry and breaking a glass. No band-aid needed! [A minute or so later, about the same guy] He got angry at me so he fell down and faked a seizure and started shaking and rocking back and forth, and I was just standing there like, "I do not believe this." In the process though, he knocked over a mocha. It left a stain that was there for a year so I had to walk by it each time. The Stain of Shame.
Espresso Exposé, Washington & Harvard
Overheard by ORLY.
Support Groups Are Good But Do They Solve The Problem?
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Female Student: I have dyslexia and I'm 24.
Male Student: Strange, you don't look 42.
Century College/White Bear Lake, MN
Can’t Find A Reason To Disagree With That
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Museum Employee: I have SO MANY books about animal sex. It's really embarrassing.
Bell Museum of Natural History
Overheard by well it IS almost valentine's day...
We Were Starting To Make Some Progress, Too…
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Trendy, white, barely 20 something adding to conversation on pregnancy and adoption after too many glasses of wine: Yeah, you know I've always wanted to adopt a black baby so that I can dress him up in Adidas track suits!
Other 20 something white woman: Well, I want to adopt a black baby, too, but I had not considered the fashion possibilities.
Downtown St.Paul
Overheard by Glad I'm not a black baby up for adoption.
uh… there’s a baby back here on the seat
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008(On an Orbit bus, the stop request light turns on)
Bus driver: Who did that?!
(Driver turns light off, but it turns on again)
Bus driver: Man! What the hell? I'm gonna have to kick someone off this bus!
(Driver turns light off again)
Bus driver's friend: Maybe somebody had an emergency.
Bus driver on speaker: Did anybody have an emergency?
@orbit - east campus rd.
overheard by: hc
Wanna Buy a Bridge, Wednesday One-Liners?
Wednesday, January 30th, 200810-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?
--Coney Island-bound D train
Overheard by: BB
White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!
--Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: Red Hair
Guy walking through bar: What's with Brooklyn and beards?
--Union Hall, Park Slope
Overheard by: jasonjason
Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.
--Kosher Delight
Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You're taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Staying on the bus....
Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Guy: So, I saw this video online of a chick who tied her beef curtains in a knot...
--Astor Pl
Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dissertation and just write erotica?
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Chick: My favorite porn line, and possibly my favorite movie line ever, is, 'Suck it, my queen. Suck it.'
--Grand Sichuan, St. Mark's Pl
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Intern to another: They do too make gay pornography!
--42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Nicolas Agrait
Cube neighbor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out -- get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has closets and closets full of it!
--Midtown
20-something woman on cell: I may be too analytical for erotica.
--Outside Century 21
Overheard by: McFreaky
Remaking The Climatic Scene From Carrie On A SEPTA Bus
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
Angry man, after refusing to give his seat to an old lady: "Just don't touch me!"
Young woman: "Ain't nobody touching you! Nobody wanna touch you! Only thing that oughta be touching you is the blood of Jesus!"
#21 Bus northbound on Walnut St. 4:35 p.m. 1/16/2008
Overheard by Verity
Young woman: "Ain't nobody touching you! Nobody wanna touch you! Only thing that oughta be touching you is the blood of Jesus!"
#21 Bus northbound on Walnut St. 4:35 p.m. 1/16/2008
Overheard by Verity
Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.
--R train, Lexington Ave stop
Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn't let me do this at my old job?!
--Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th
Overheard by: Lezbotron
IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!
--Office, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: beans
I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don't get bonuses.
--Metro-North
Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it's all your fault!
--Times Square
30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.
--New Year's Eve concert
Overheard by: Smash
How much does that cost?
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
Girl #1: "Wanna watch American Idol with me?"
Girl #2: "No. You care about who wins WAAAY too much."
Girl #1: "It's an important competition which changes the lives of millions of people."
Girl #2: "Really? Name five. And you can't use any of the 'winners' because only three are worth their weight in feces."
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Tanya
Girl #2: "No. You care about who wins WAAAY too much."
Girl #1: "It's an important competition which changes the lives of millions of people."
Girl #2: "Really? Name five. And you can't use any of the 'winners' because only three are worth their weight in feces."
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Tanya
That’s quite irritated.
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
Guy #1: "My wife just had surgery, so we can't, well, you know."
Guy #2: "What? Make dinner together?"
Guy #1: "No. YOU KNOW."
Guy #2: "Watch TV? Make the bed? Do dishes? Drive a car?"
Guy #1: "Do you now understand why I hate hanging out with you? You irritate me to the point of eye stabbings."
- Potbelly's on Wabash
-- Submitted by KC
Guy #2: "What? Make dinner together?"
Guy #1: "No. YOU KNOW."
Guy #2: "Watch TV? Make the bed? Do dishes? Drive a car?"
Guy #1: "Do you now understand why I hate hanging out with you? You irritate me to the point of eye stabbings."
- Potbelly's on Wabash
-- Submitted by KC
There is the possibility…
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
Guy: "You getting ready to vote?"
Girl: "Yeah. But there are way too many things to vote for. How the hell do you pick all the judges?"
Guy: "I just go with their last names. If they sound Jewish, I vote for them."
Girl: "What if they're not really Jewish?"
Guy: "That's fine. As long as they're not secret Nazi spies, I think we'll be okay."
- Metra South Shore
-- Submitted by Ibam
Girl: "Yeah. But there are way too many things to vote for. How the hell do you pick all the judges?"
Guy: "I just go with their last names. If they sound Jewish, I vote for them."
Girl: "What if they're not really Jewish?"
Guy: "That's fine. As long as they're not secret Nazi spies, I think we'll be okay."
- Metra South Shore
-- Submitted by Ibam