Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, there's a slight delay due to reports of somebody smoking crack... and other stuff... on the back of the train.
--Church Ave
Overheard by: Katie & Jaime
Teen girl, to older woman: You 'posed to eat. Ain't 'posed to smoke no rock!
--Classon & DeKalb
Queer in RA's office: Now, when we got there they were selling hash brownies and weed muffins -- we were in Amsterdam -- and everyone else was trying some, so I figured I would, too. Then we went to the Anne Frank Museum, and of course that's when they started kicking in...
--Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Wishes he heard the rest of the story
Man on cell: I know, but then they started smoking crack on stage.
--10th St & Stuyvesant
Guy on cell: I'm at Stuy High... Whaddya mean ya don't know what that is?! Gotta know where the weed's at!
--Near Stuyvesant High
Man to concerned woman: Don't think of it as buying weed from a drug dealer. Think of it as supporting a cottage industry.
--Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: amused priest
Archive for January, 2008
Just One More Hit of Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Learn On
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I'll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]
--F train
Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A's.
--Diner, Chelsea
Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.
--19th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher...
--Dishes Restaurant, 45th St
Overheard by: Literate
Teen: No lie, my nigga -- I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!
--Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk
Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann's... Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes... Please...
--Chinatown
goldfish aren’t the only creatures with 3-second memory spans
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008That Darn Rock-n-Roll Is Rotting Their Brains
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Black guy: "Who this Ella Fitzgerald people be talking about?"
White Guy: "I don't know, but she sounds Irish. She probably sings Irish music"
Broad street line
Overheard by Benjamin
Just Wait ‘Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners of Your Own
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride 'The Earthquake.' You like that? ... Well, see, you're too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.
--A train
Overheard by: Stephie
Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don't know how to hustle! You ain't no hustler, she ain't no hustler... No hustlin'.
--137th & Broadway
Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?
Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!
--F train at Broadway-Lafayette
Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I'll throw you. Then I ain't gotta buy you no Power Ranger.
--Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: autumn
Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.
--Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Ryn
Mom: Boy, don't you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don't behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I'll call Santa on yo' misbehavin' ass.
--BX 21 bus
Woman holding child's hand: You're my daughter, right? Okay, good.
--Port Authority
Overheard by: Nervous
$100 in washington will get you a lot more than that
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008(Watching the State of the Union address)
Lebanese girl: Who are the people applauding Bush in the audience?
Guy: Those are republican members of Congress.
Lebanese girl: Wow, really? In my country, you would have to pay $100 per person for applause like that.
@the bradley house
overheard by: brent spotswood
Wednesday One-Liners Join the AARP
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!
--Mott & Canal St
Overheard by: Will
80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don't know.
--10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Liz
Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I'm not used to having to put clothes on.
--New York Historical Society
Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I'm 85, and I still like me some sex!
--Port Authority
Overheard by: imerikaf
75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!
--Central Park
Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!
--62nd & 2nd
Old white guy: Fo' shizzle!
--Outside Nederlander Theatre
today we’ll be studying the brain… any volunteers?
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Wednesday One-Liners Fought the Law and the Law Won
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, 'Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!'
--Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority
Overheard by: Kevin
20-ish guy on cell: Yeah... Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn't get my money! Ma... Yeah, Ma, you know I don't care!
--Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker
Overheard by: The Simian Space Man
Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].
--2 train
Overheard by: Ladle
[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]
Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should've been more careful, or what?!
--42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Susan Laura
Chick: So, I'm up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, 'Okay, time to go!' and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going 'whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop' -- like, he's making siren noises -- and I turn around, and there's this cop... I guess the siren on his cop car wasn't working or something, so he's on the loudspeaker mic yelling, 'Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!' as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!
--14th & 7th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Fucking Sorry about Slavery, Okay?
Tuesday, January 29th, 200820-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city...
--Fulton St
Overheard by: other white girls
Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain't nothin' but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!
--Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bubby
Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!
--PATH platform
Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I'm surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin' at me... I dunno what they're lookin' at.
--JFK
Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway
Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that's why I don't like this show. I've got too much soul for this.
--Madison Square Garden
Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it's something that's taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist... but what's up with white people?!
--D train
Phil’s palms sweated as he continued to wait for laughter to come from the receiver.
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008I Just Flew in from Wednesday, and Boy, Are My One-Liners Tired!
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the 'Fasten seatbelt' sign... That includes all passengers in row nine... That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo... Yes, thank you, and have a great day.
--JFK
Pilot: Welcome to JetBlue flight 703 to San Juan... I'm from South Carolina. We do something special there -- we let our kids drive at the age of fifteen. I've got a 15-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter, so if you're thinking of driving to Florida, do me a favor and fly JetBlue -- it's safer than driving through South Carolina, and my car insurance for my daughter last year was 15 hundred dollars, and now I have to add my son, so I really need this job to afford it.
--JFK
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Flight attendant: ... And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.
--LaGuardia
Overheard by: Sheffler
Flight attendant: ... And be sure that you lock your tray tables and place your seat backs in their least comfortable position for takeoff.
--JFK
Overheard by: Ardbeg78
Pilot: Well, folks, I'm sorry about the delay, but, uh, airplanes are complicated machines, you know? And sometimes they break.
--United flight, JFK
Overheard by: clueless about electronics
Big, jolly black woman about to be frisked at security: You have yo'self a good time!
--JFK
Overheard by: Nancy L.
It’s a Mad, Mad World
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Gonna Be a Voyage of Discovery, People
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008She Didn’t Even Wait For Hug-A-Jew Day
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Hipster boy to his sister, after being greeted by a salesgirl at Urban Outfitters: I totally lost my virginity to a girl who works at Urban.
Sister: That's okay... I totally lost mine to a Jew!
Urban Outfitters at Mall of America
Overheard by They must have bonded over their skinny pants.
Everlasting Bliss
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Really Old Wife: What's the name of the doctor we are seeing?
Really Old Husband: They don't have names, it is luck of the draw.
Really Old Wife: What are you, stupid? All doctors have names.
Really Old Husband: (Begins to open mouth and then thinks better of it)
Healthpartners Urgent Care
Overheard by Why men die before women.
I Hope They’re Discussing The Latest Lillian Vernon Catalog
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Woman who probably likes hotdish #1: I won't take your Mickey Mouse one.
Woman who probably likes hotdish #2: Just don't try to take my automatic one!
Corporate cubeland, Eagan
Overheard by Get back to work.
So, Here’s To Hoping!
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Patron getting on lightrail dressed in Twins garb, obviously on the way to the Twins game with his family: I wonder which train I'm supposed to get on, I hope I don't get on the wrong one...
46th Street Lightrail station
Overheard by JoJoC.
She Never Gets Invited To Meetings
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Coworker about a constantly farting coworker: She is flatulent as a mo' fo'!
225 S. 6th St, Minneapolis, 12th floor
Overheard by Yes, she is.
I Do This At Least Three Times A Week
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008Girl #1: State of the Union tonight! Are you gonna watch?!
Girl #2: Hell yes!
Guy: Boring.
Girl #2: What are you talking about? The State of the Union is awesome. I lost my virginity after the 2004 speech.
Girl #1: Drunk, angry liberals seeking solace in each other's arms... It's a beautiful time of year.
Caribou on Snelling and Grand
Overheard by I'm watching this year.
New Yorkers Have No Time for Set Theory
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008And You’re the One with the PhD
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008note to self… get more better at talking
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008No One Expects the Empire State Building
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008I’m a snuggler.
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008- Outside Union Station
-- Submitted by Isaac