Overheard In…

Girl #1: Oh, look, they have yoga.
Girl #2: Yeah, but it's all 'Breathe in, breathe out.' I hate that shit.

--Shake Shack line, Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Jacqui

Customer: Got anything to kill a mouse?
Clerk: Hammer!
Customer: Yeah, tried that.

--True Value Hardware Store, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: I Prefer A Circular Saw

Guy (to guy #2): You're going to love this movie, man.

Ditz: Will I love it?

Guy: Uh... I don't know. I hope so.

Ditz: Is it a romantic comedy? I like romantic comedies.

Guy: No. It's not a romantic comedy.

Ditz: Is it like 'Must Love Dogs'? I like 'Must Love Dogs.'



Uptown Theater
Overheard by Friends don't let friends bring their girlfriends.

Dude#1 on cell phone: Dude! Direct from rehab, how you doing? I work this weekend but we can party up at night. What? You can't, how come?

Dude #2 listening nearby under his breath: Because he just got out of rehab?

Dude #1, still on cell phone: Oh, you're still in rehab? Well, when you get out we'll party up.



Posters On Board

Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can't come down there and beat yo' ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That's why yo' ass is in there!

--Brooklyn House of Detention for Men

Overheard by: Jimbo Jones

4-year-old white girl: I'm from South Africa.

Her father: No, you were just conceived in South Africa. You were born here.



Target by Knollwood
Overheard by How could she remember that?

White man to another: Before he shows up, you should probably know this guy's a top 100 digger.
Black man: What'd you call me?!
White man: Uh, I just said... We're nerds. It means we're nerds.

--Starbucks, Astor Pl

Rutgers Boy #1: "I got a 60 on my art history test. For one question, the teacher wanted to know what it was. I put 'sculpture'. She took off 5 points because the answer was 'sculptor'."

"Then there was a part where we had to label the parts of a cathedral. The answer was apse, like a-p-s-e, but I put 'asp', like the snake I guess. But come on, she shouldn't take points off for spelling errors."

Rutgers Boy #2:

PATCO
Overheard by there is no partial credit in life

Thug #1: Look at all them people with umbrellas.
Thug #2: They all a bunch of chumps.
Thug #1: The only reason they have umbrellas is peer pressure!

--45th & Lex

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: (on cell) "All I'm saying is that cranberry juice can fix it. Gout, eye infections, colds, stomach aches, nausea. It's the medicine of choice."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Tal

Guy: (on cell) "All I'm saying is that cranberry juice can fix it. Gout, eye infections, colds, stomach aches, nausea. It's the medicine of choice."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Tal

Guy #1: "You ever seen 'The Departed,' Vince?"

Guy #2: "No. It's not Italian, so I don't watch it."

Guy #1: "What are you? Some kind of Jew?"

- Columbia College

-- Submitted by Haynes

Guy #1: "You ever seen 'The Departed,' Vince?"

Guy #2: "No. It's not Italian, so I don't watch it."

Guy #1: "What are you? Some kind of Jew?"

- Columbia College

-- Submitted by Haynes

Guy #1: "What are you guys doing in here? Working out?"

Guy #2: (smile and nod)

Guy #1: "Are you guys doing slow work to get your core?"

Guy #2: (smile and nod)

Guy #1: "That's an awesome exercise. Working all kinds of muscles."

Guy #2: (smile and nod)

Guy #3: "He doesn't speak English dude."

Guy #1: "It's okay. Smiles are the universal language."

- Bally's, Morton Grove

-- Submitted by Adrian

Guy #1: "What are you guys doing in here? Working out?"

Guy #2: (smile and nod)

Guy #1: "Are you guys doing slow work to get your core?"

Guy #2: (smile and nod)

Guy #1: "That's an awesome exercise. Working all kinds of muscles."

Guy #2: (smile and nod)

Guy #3: "He doesn't speak English dude."

Guy #1: "It's okay. Smiles are the universal language."

- Bally's, Morton Grove

-- Submitted by Adrian

Woman to Man: "Really?! You never had a chainsaw?"


Broad Street Subway
Overheard by R.T.

Female clerk: Do we have Skinny Bitch down here?
Queer clerk: Oh, I don't know. What does she look like?
Female clerk: It's a book.
Queer clerk: Oh, we have books here, too.

--Barnes & Noble

Black woman with baby carriage to people trying to push in: What's the matter with you mothafuckahs? Are the goddamn stairs broken?
Old black man: You take the stairs, bitch! I'm a veteran! I fought for my goddamn country, and now you won't make room for me in a goddamn elevator?! [Doors close, leaving old black man out.]
Black woman with baby carriage: Fuck his old ass. Women and children first.

--Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

6 year old: [Giggling insanely]
Mother: "What in heavens name are you laughing at?"
6 year old: "Didn't you see! The floor! The floor! Seeeee it!"
Mother: [straightfaced] "Now I don't see what's so funny about that at all."


Marshalls, Columbus Blvd.
Overheard by On the way to work

Girl: What are you doing later?
Guy: Well, I was gonna go home, eat something, do some schoolwork, and then smoke some weed and do some coke. Want some?
Girl: Absolutely.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Only if we can do lines off Lina's* tits.
Guy: ... Oh my god, I want to date you.

--The Met

Puerto Rican girl #1: I really hate the way she eats.
Puerto Rican girl #2: Yeah, but she's Jamaican. You know how they are.

--Bergen St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Dumbfounded

Headline by: Gutterlush

Runners-Up:
"At Least She Isn't Dominican." - Jon
"Even Their Chickens Are Jerks." - Howard Bannister
"Psychic?" - Beryl
"Racism! It's What's For Dinner" - Goldielox
"You're Just Jealous You Can't Use Your Dreads As a Fork" - Chels


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hooking up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven't heard? Dry-humping is sooo back in.

--NYU

Overheard by: CK

Girl #1: Oh my god, my roommate is so weird. She keeps farting, but I don't smell anything.
Girl #2: She must be anorexic.
Girl #1: True! I didn't think of that. I'm so glad I'm friends with someone that got a scholarship!

--Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Or she's bullemic.

Teen daughter: So, is this what you saw?
Mother: What?
Teen daughter: Is this what you saw when you took estrogen?

--Summer of Love: Art of the Psychedelic Era, Whitney Museum

Overheard by: flowerchild

JAP mom, looking at diorama of Neanderthals: Amanda was taking pictures of them before...
JAP daughter: It must be her goal weight.

--Museum of Natural History