Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that "Oh What a Night (December '63)" song.]
100-year-old male shopper: '63? You're not even old enough to remember '63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in '60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, '60, huh? I served in Korea...
--20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: LiAps
Archive for March, 2008
Hawkeye Just Wants an Audience
Monday, March 31st, 2008I’ll Settle this. Did it Bounce Off, or Vanish?
Monday, March 31st, 2008A Bloodshot Retinal Scan Will Suffice
Monday, March 31st, 2008In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss
Monday, March 31st, 2008Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What's that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.
--Nathan's at Coney Island
Overheard by: Brad Benson
Was He Actually Talking about *That*? Because That Would Be Sad.
Monday, March 31st, 2008Wannabe gangster, on opposite Up escalator, watching couple in their mid-20s kissing on Down escalator: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
[Girl flashes a thumbs-up behind the guy's back.]
Wannabe gangster: Yo, that bitch is COOL!
--AMC Theatre, Times Square
Overheard by: just eating popcorn
Dog: “Ugh! She Wants it AGAIN? I’m Only Canine!”
Monday, March 31st, 2008Sustainability
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Mother to little girl: Technically, I only have to feed you once a day to keep you alive.
- Glisan Starbucks
-- Overheard by Brooke
- Glisan Starbucks
-- Overheard by Brooke
Peace Meal
Monday, March 31st, 2008
To friend: I've got to go out to dinner with this girl who wants to sleep with my boyfriend.
- Glisan Starbucks
-- Overheard by Brooke
- Glisan Starbucks
-- Overheard by Brooke
Lately Jesus Finds Himself Obsessively Playing ‘Dead Rising’
Monday, March 31st, 2008GUY #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth... So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
GUY #2: I don't get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
GUY #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn't know what's going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
GUY #2: He sounds like a good guy.
--Port Authority
Overheard by: Bobby
No Matter What The Care Bears Say; Sharing Isn’t Always Caring
Monday, March 31st, 2008
(Couple walks up to CVS register)
Ghetto cashier: "Oh i'z sorry you'z had to hear that."
Guy: "Oh, us? We didn't hear anything, we were talking to each other."
Ghetto chasier: "Oh good, cause it was jus a lil too much, you know!"
Guy: "Uh, okay?"
Ghetto cashier: "Haha, but Seriously! I was tellin' him, it don't matta how big dat ass is, when she gets old its gona be draaaaaggin on the flo'! HA! Now take DAT to Da bank!"
(Couple laughs nervously.. exits quickly)
CVS, Center City
Overheard by On my way to work
Ghetto cashier: "Oh i'z sorry you'z had to hear that."
Guy: "Oh, us? We didn't hear anything, we were talking to each other."
Ghetto chasier: "Oh good, cause it was jus a lil too much, you know!"
Guy: "Uh, okay?"
Ghetto cashier: "Haha, but Seriously! I was tellin' him, it don't matta how big dat ass is, when she gets old its gona be draaaaaggin on the flo'! HA! Now take DAT to Da bank!"
(Couple laughs nervously.. exits quickly)
CVS, Center City
Overheard by On my way to work
Drug PSA: It might be more responsible not to take an upper, but don’t be such a fucking downer.
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Meyran Ave, Oakland. Night.
Lights are being flicked on and off in an apartment:
Girl in Apartment: Come rave with me!
[Laughter can be heard from another apartment, across the street.]
Guy in Apartment: Shit, there’s people out there! [Quickly shuts the curtains.]
— Overheard by Carol
The Grateful Ones Are Best
Monday, March 31st, 2008Ghetto man, sticking his head into the car and yelling to no one in particular: Are you single? [Nobody replies.] Are you single?!
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I'm single.
[he walks over to her.]
Ghetto girl: My husband left me. After five years he just left. Said "I love Frank."
Ghetto man, announcing to the rest of the car: Did you here that? This woman's husband left her for another man! [to the woman]: What's your phone number? [She gives out digits]
--F train
Overheard by: and she wonders why...
Like a solid-liquid
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Restaurant Guest: "Summer in Arizona isn't really too bad. It's more of a dry-humid."
- T.G.I. Friday's
-- Submitted by Amused Server
- T.G.I. Friday's
-- Submitted by Amused Server
He Was Talking about His Son’s Slutty Girlfrined
Monday, March 31st, 2008Uh….yeah.
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Guy: "YES! Resveratrol is like the cure all!"
Woman: "Resvera-what?"
Guy: "The beneficial ingredient in red wine. I take it because I can't drink wine. It tastes like metal to me."
Woman: "I can't drink wine either. I don't like the taste. But if I had to drink something I didn't like, it would have to be wrapped in warm meat. Like beef or something."
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Four Eyes
Woman: "Resvera-what?"
Guy: "The beneficial ingredient in red wine. I take it because I can't drink wine. It tastes like metal to me."
Woman: "I can't drink wine either. I don't like the taste. But if I had to drink something I didn't like, it would have to be wrapped in warm meat. Like beef or something."
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Four Eyes
…until today.
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Guy: "Did you ever feel like you could walk on water? Seriously, if you knew what i just did, you would fall down and worship me. I haven't had a drink in two years."
- Wrigleyville
-- Submitted by Michael
- Wrigleyville
-- Submitted by Michael
Won’t You Please Donate to Help These Poor Victims of Time Travel?
Monday, March 31st, 2008Shirtless old guy, walking over to a group of friends: Looks like you got a nice circle there, mind if I join you guys?
Stranger: No, I think we're good...
Shirtless old guy: Well, I'll be back...[looks up at the trees.] Do you see the pterodactyls? ...up there, the dinosaurs? [Wakes up a hobo on the benches.] Sir, you see them, don't you? ...pterodactyls...pkawww pkawww [flaps his arms.]
[back to the group of friends]
I'll be back. pkawww!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Arvind Chandra
Nope, #237
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Girl: "Well the good news is you're going to charge me "rent" proportional to my salary. And I can make up the rest in baked goods and sex!"
Guy: "Ummm does that make me Client Number 10?"
Bensalem
Overheard by vmorgs
Guy: "Ummm does that make me Client Number 10?"
Bensalem
Overheard by vmorgs
Finally, Someone Understands That the Terms Are Mutually Exclusive.
Monday, March 31st, 2008Dude: I don't want coffee, I want Starbucks!
--Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: desire
Runners-Up:
"And For The Last Time, I'm Not From The Bronx; I'm From Riverdale!" - Gutterlush
"Howard Shultz: Don't Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!" - Drewp
"I Can't Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else." - Jessie Birks
"Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know" - digital hash
"The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks" - abbitt the rabbitt
"Yeah, Well I Really Don't Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe." - Idiocracy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Especially Ryan Adams
Monday, March 31st, 2008Does Mom Know You’re Out Here?
Monday, March 31st, 2008Excuse Me, That’s “Stuh-ray-et”
Sunday, March 30th, 2008She Understands Accessories
Sunday, March 30th, 2008Man in paper hat, leather jacket covered in soda can tabs, and poofy skirt over jeans: She comes in and she comes home and breaks my heart, and the worst part is that I don't understand her language. I'm better off with... [Steps back to peer at magazine a girl is reading] I'm better off with that one. What's her name? Turn the page back one. Yeah, her. Tyra? Tyra. I'm better off with Tyra.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
Let’s Try Feeding Her and See What Happens
Sunday, March 30th, 2008Unwanted Foreigners
Sunday, March 30th, 2008Cashier: Here's your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it's pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures...
--J. Crew, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Al