Overheard In…

Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that "Oh What a Night (December '63)" song.]
100-year-old male shopper: '63? You're not even old enough to remember '63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in '60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, '60, huh? I served in Korea...

--20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: LiAps

Umpire: Foul ball. It hit her in the box.
Teammate of batter: No it didn't, it hit her in the stomach.

--Riverside Park

Overheard by: Ramrod

Man: Do you have ID?
Teenagers: Huh?
Man: 'cause you gotta be high to be in here!

--Union Square Park

Overheard by: the imbiber

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What's that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.

--Nathan's at Coney Island

Overheard by: Brad Benson

Wannabe gangster, on opposite Up escalator, watching couple in their mid-20s kissing on Down escalator: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
[Girl flashes a thumbs-up behind the guy's back.]
Wannabe gangster: Yo, that bitch is COOL!

--AMC Theatre, Times Square

Overheard by: just eating popcorn

Girl #1: She wants a doggie.
Guy: A doggie?
Girl #1: Yeah, a doggie.
Girl #2: She likes it doggie?
Girl #1: That's the only reason she lives for.

--Fort Green, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rat

Mother to little girl: Technically, I only have to feed you once a day to keep you alive.

- Glisan Starbucks

-- Overheard by Brooke

To friend: I've got to go out to dinner with this girl who wants to sleep with my boyfriend.

- Glisan Starbucks

-- Overheard by Brooke

GUY #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth... So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
GUY #2: I don't get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
GUY #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn't know what's going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
GUY #2: He sounds like a good guy.

--Port Authority

Overheard by: Bobby

(Couple walks up to CVS register)

Ghetto cashier: "Oh i'z sorry you'z had to hear that."

Guy: "Oh, us? We didn't hear anything, we were talking to each other."

Ghetto chasier: "Oh good, cause it was jus a lil too much, you know!"

Guy: "Uh, okay?"

Ghetto cashier: "Haha, but Seriously! I was tellin' him, it don't matta how big dat ass is, when she gets old its gona be draaaaaggin on the flo'! HA! Now take DAT to Da bank!"

(Couple laughs nervously.. exits quickly)

CVS, Center City
Overheard by On my way to work

Meyran Ave, Oakland. Night. Lights are being flicked on and off in an apartment: Girl in Apartment: Come rave with me! [Laughter can be heard from another apartment, across the street.] Guy in Apartment: Shit, there’s people out there! [Quickly shuts the curtains.] — Overheard by Carol

Ghetto man, sticking his head into the car and yelling to no one in particular: Are you single? [Nobody replies.] Are you single?!
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I'm single.
[he walks over to her.]
Ghetto girl: My husband left me. After five years he just left. Said "I love Frank."
Ghetto man, announcing to the rest of the car: Did you here that? This woman's husband left her for another man! [to the woman]: What's your phone number? [She gives out digits]

--F train

Overheard by: and she wonders why...

Restaurant Guest: "Summer in Arizona isn't really too bad. It's more of a dry-humid."

- T.G.I. Friday's

-- Submitted by Amused Server

Southern tourist #1: Oh my god! Look! It's Junior's Cheesecake!
Southern tourist #2: Oh yeah! I've heard of them. They serve it at the Cheesecake Factory!

--Minskoff Theatre

Overheard by: Renee

Guy: "YES! Resveratrol is like the cure all!"

Woman: "Resvera-what?"

Guy: "The beneficial ingredient in red wine. I take it because I can't drink wine. It tastes like metal to me."

Woman: "I can't drink wine either. I don't like the taste. But if I had to drink something I didn't like, it would have to be wrapped in warm meat. Like beef or something."

- South Loop

-- Submitted by Four Eyes

Guy: "Did you ever feel like you could walk on water? Seriously, if you knew what i just did, you would fall down and worship me. I haven't had a drink in two years."

- Wrigleyville

-- Submitted by Michael

Shirtless old guy, walking over to a group of friends: Looks like you got a nice circle there, mind if I join you guys?
Stranger: No, I think we're good...
Shirtless old guy: Well, I'll be back...[looks up at the trees.] Do you see the pterodactyls? ...up there, the dinosaurs? [Wakes up a hobo on the benches.] Sir, you see them, don't you? ...pterodactyls...pkawww pkawww [flaps his arms.]
[back to the group of friends]
I'll be back. pkawww!

--Union Square

Overheard by: Arvind Chandra

Girl: "Well the good news is you're going to charge me "rent" proportional to my salary. And I can make up the rest in baked goods and sex!"

Guy: "Ummm does that make me Client Number 10?"

Bensalem
Overheard by vmorgs

Dude: I don't want coffee, I want Starbucks!

--Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: office peon

Headline by: desire

Runners-Up:
"And For The Last Time, I'm Not From The Bronx; I'm From Riverdale!" - Gutterlush
"Howard Shultz: Don't Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!" - Drewp
"I Can't Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else." - Jessie Birks
"Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know" - digital hash
"The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks" - abbitt the rabbitt
"Yeah, Well I Really Don't Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe." - Idiocracy


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hipster #1: No water?!?!
Hipster #2: I can't believe they're denying us the most basic necessity ... I hate everyone right now!

--McCarren Park Pool

Homeless guy: Yo, yo. Can I get a donation to my broke-ass foundation?
Hipster guy: Sorry, dude.
Homeless guy: Aww, come on brother. Just pretend that you love me.

--5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: some girl

Tourist #1: This is us.
Tourist #2: You sure?
Tourist #1: Yup, Cay-null Street.

--N train, Canal St station

Overheard by: sara n.

Man in paper hat, leather jacket covered in soda can tabs, and poofy skirt over jeans: She comes in and she comes home and breaks my heart, and the worst part is that I don't understand her language. I'm better off with... [Steps back to peer at magazine a girl is reading] I'm better off with that one. What's her name? Turn the page back one. Yeah, her. Tyra? Tyra. I'm better off with Tyra.

--Union Square

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Girlfriend: So, do you think Fiona is really crazy?
Boyfriend: No, I just think she is hungry.

--Fiona Apple concert, Central Park

Overheard by: Nicole B.

Cashier: Here's your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it's pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures...

--J. Crew, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Al