Clueless girl: Hey, you should sign up for Beginning Tennis with me!
Wannabe fratboy: Beginner’s tennis? Are you kidding? People compare my serve to Andre Agassi!
Clueless girl: Who’s that?
Wannabe: (stunned silence)
Clueless girl: Ya, well they compare MY serve to Anna Kournikova!
Dining Center @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG,
Guy #1: C’mon, guys. Ingosoc? Hello! 1984? Orwell? Political system of Oceania?
Guy #2: Oh yeah! The minute you said 1984 I knew what you were talking about.
Girl: How should I know? I wasn’t even alive in 1984!
BSA Office @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG.
Overly excited man regarding Smuckers Uncrustable sandwiches: They just have the perfect amount of peanut butter and jelly in them! They’re like… mouth heaven!
Wedding in St. Cloud
Overheard by Wish I got that excited about sandwiches.
Heavyset middle-aged woman: That’s why I like movies, instead of books. Because you can find out what happens faster.
An office on Chicago Avenue in South Minneapolis
Overheard by Max.
Lady #1: Well, isn’t Mary a vegetarian? I don’t know what she’ll eat at the Potluck.
Lady #2: She is?? Then how come she’s so fat? Don’t vegetarians just eat lettuce?
Lady #1: (very all knowing and certain) Yeah, that’s all they can eat. I don’t know how she gained so much weight on just lettuce.
Lady #2: (Laughs heartily) Well, I’ll just ask her when we go back. Wow, I don’t think I could be a vegetarian and eat lettuce forever.
Fitness Locker room of Corporate office in Eagan
Overheard by S.S.
Coworker (calling potential employer to cancel a job interview): I need to cancel our meeting tonight. I guess it’s my son’s birthday.
Mortgage Lender in Richfield
Overheard by walkonred.
Kowalski’s worker, referring to Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi playing from the overhead speakers: Who is this singing?? She’s butchering that Counting Crows song!!
Kowalski’s break room
Overheard by ashamed by my generation.
Girl #1: Jesus, stop messing with my Facebook.
Girl #2: Yeah, for serious.
U of M
Overheard by What a sad world.
20-something girl to friends at table: I want to order something that sounds German. Like a douche-burger.
Black Forest Inn
Overheard by Hoping she meant “Deutsche-burger.”
Dude: Hey, good to see you, what's new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we're looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it's my birthday next week, and I've been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?
--Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stuy Girl: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Stuy Guy: Well, I really want to just own some cows, in Spain.
Stuy girl: Um, and do what with them?
Stuy Guy: Uh, milk them...I guess.
Stuy Girl: Thats not very realistic.
Stuy Guy: Yeah, I was thinking more on terms of like, if I didn't have to survive...
--Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: jules
Hipster guy: Yo! My girlfriend gave me a hickey, and now there's a rumor that I got into a fight with a black kid.
Friend: Dude!
--Edward Murrow High School
Headline by: Justin
Runners-Up:
"Oh Please! If That Were True You'd Have a Stab-wound, Not a Hickey." - nosey nafia
"Shouldn't Have Let Her Hickey Your Eye, I Guess." - Internev
"That's Funny, I'd Heard Something About a Vacuum Cleaner" - Marv in DC
"Well, She Does Look Like Gary Coleman." - stevevc
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
30ish girl, looking at twenty-year olds: Are they going on about how old they are? Oh, please.
45ish rocker chick: Yup, they are.
30ish girl: I think I'm older than they are!
45ish: Me too. From the looks of things, they're about the age of my first abortion.
30ish girl: [Chokes on beer.]
45ish: Wonder how old that would be now?
30ish girl: Please stop.
--Double Down, Ave A
Overheard by: Happygirl
