Overheard In…

Crazy guy in camouflage: And I was like: "Fucking...what the fuck, man! Fuck it!"
Teen passerby (very seriously): I love that man.
Preppy friend: Oh my god, me too! (gives thumbs up)

--48th & 6th

Headline by: Golf Widow

Runners-Up:
"Everyone Loves a Good Fuck" - melly
"How Billy and Tommy Knew What Love Really Means" - Stellina
"I Hear He's Speaking at Graduation!" - fucking fan
"Schizophrenia Is the New Black." - Josh
"Tourette's Groupies" - TheSchilsk


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl #1: Did you know babies have natural reflexes? Like, if you stick your finger in their hand, they'll grab it, and if you try to pull it away, they'll hold on to it for like a minute.
Girl #2: Did you know if you punch a baby in the face, it'll cry?

--Columbia University

Overheard by: mkb

Three-year-old: But mom...
Sunburnt mom: We'll put you in the toilet bowl and flush ya! We'll send you to china! Where all those people need a family now!
Three-year-old: Nooooo!

--Greenpoint

Drunk girl sitting on steps: The Hudson is better then the East River right?
Guy: What?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it definitely is... There's less dead bodies in it.

--Hudson River Boat Basin

Boy on class trip #1: Look! The hall of Asian mammals!
Boy on class trip #2: Since when are there mammals in Asia?

--Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Amanda

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.

--6 Train

Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.

--Bamboo 52

Overheard by: Aidan

Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!

--Canal St

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!

--Duane Reade

Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

--L Train from Williamsburg

Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal.

--Lafayette & Houston

(tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana)

--Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said!

--9th St Market

Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay)

Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush.

--42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Anniemal

20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?"

--Bakery, Staten Island

Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo

Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies!

--375 Hudson St.

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.

--Hudson River Park

Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I'm afraid of the power of my own vagina.

--1 Train

Overheard by: westchester girl

Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom's vagina.

--New York Harbor

Overheard by: Barry P.

Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?

--51st & 9th

Overheard by: Highstein

Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!

--Penn Station

Overheard by: Poogins

Very large black man: My penis' jus' as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)

--A Train

25-year old girl playing loud music for guests: Hey crazy kids, any requests?
Angry old neighbor pops his head over the fence: I’ve got a request for you.  It’s called turn that shit off!

Backyard BBQ, Uptown around 9pm
Overheard by wild turkey attack.

Crazy guy to random stranger and her kids: You know what I see? I see three beautiful women.
Woman, slightly annoyed: This one’s a boy.
Crazy guy: Really? You need a haircut. So, you’re a boy, huh?
Androgynous little boy: Bah! (tries to punch crazy man)
Crazy guy: I guess he just wants to be left alone.

The 67 in Saint Paul
Overheard by I bet you get that a lot.

Male Walmart employee, to female co-worker: Come on, what’s your problem?  Smile!  (smiles at her)
Female co-worker: I can’t smile.  I work HERE.

Walmart Austin MN
Overheard by: a.lil

Guy #1: You smell like urine.
Guy #2: GOOD!

28th Avenue park and ride
Overheard by Time for a shower?

Stereotypical Family Man with Mini-Van: Brendan finished all of his milk!
Stereotypical Soccer Mom next to him: Three cheers for Brendan!!!
Brendan’s little brother, Mom, and Dad: Hip Hip Hooray!!! Hip Hip Hooray!!!

Tiny Neighborhood Cafe in St Paul
Overheard by Girl behind the counter.

Conductor: Put your purse inside the train. I said: "purse inside the train." Inside the train, that's no real Chanel!

--E Train

Overheard by: cran

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to be delayed for a couple of minutes, the wheels keep slipping. We aren't working with the best equipment here.

--LIRR

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry for the inconvenience and the delays. While expressing your dislike for the inconvenience, please do not curse, spit, or throw things at the conductor and train crew.

--V-train

Conductor: Keep on moving, don't block the aisles... Keep on moving, don't block the aisles... There's plenty of empty seats in the back cars. Don't just stare at the people next to you.

--Metro North Train

Conductor: Uptown! Uptown! Uptown express! You know where I'm going! Don't pretend like you don't know where I'm going!

--4 Train

Overheard by: Jamie

Conductor: Please walk forward for more seats. The front of the train is empty. It's like the freaking promised land up here!

--NJ Transit

Conductor, over loudspeaker: This is the A train making local stops on the F line. Next stop, who knows!?

--A Train

Overheard by: Schechter

Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there's still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!

--Brookyln Diner, Times Square

Latina: What's with grandma keeping gettin' tattoos that show?

--Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad

Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Angela

Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong Il tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that's fucked up!

--Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Not sure myself...

Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: "God bless America," y'know?

--N train

Overheard by: amen

Older woman to friend: Down there where the servants are, you know, where the gardening people and the kitchen is, I don't go there. I just don't go there.

--38th & 5th

Overheard by: garden in manhattan?

Greek Princess shopping for wedding rings: This isn't the more expensive ring I wanted but we just bought an apartment in the 70s.

--Tiffany's Second Floor

Overprivileged teenage girl on cell: The bourgeoisie... The bourgeoisie are like, the common people.

--Union Square

College girl: No, I mean seriously: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Florence?

--Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mommy, how do you spell "Forbes"?

--Restaurant, Upper East Side

Overheard by: jess

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number!

--52nd & Lexington

Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?!

--Penn Station

Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie.

--Midtown East

Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too

Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person."

--West Village

Overheard by: Bible Fan

Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.

--L Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Teenage hipster to friend: Oh look, it's the Hannah Montana lip gloss I stole from a little kid!

--Uptown F Train

Overheard by: Joy

Big thug: Hey man, I'm not gonna even lie: selling candy on the train keeps me from robbing and stealing from most of ya on the train today... Hook a nigga up!

--2 Train

Overheard by: Cashiem Evans (da mad blogger)

Schoolgirl dressing down another: You took the whole backpack? Why didn't you just take what you needed to steal and leave the bag there?

--DeKalb & Clermont, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Lady on cell: So you know what happened? He stole my deodorant, and you know what was under it? My hundred dollars!

--Metro-North, 125th St Station

Overheard by: That must be some expensive deodorant

Woman yelling into cell: Don't rob them, they're Danish!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Tina