Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here...
--Harlem Rite Aid
Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!
--French Roast, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: zdog
Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.
--Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: JLief
Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.
--E Train
Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.
--3rd & 92nd
Overheard by: rebecca
Archive for July, 2008
25% Of All New Yorkers Have Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008The Guerilla Marketing of Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It's free! It's really good! It's me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t-shirt with my face on it!
--Broadway
Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches
Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we'll get you drunk!
--7th & 40th
Overheard by: Erin
Guy at stall: We're slashing prices today! Today's the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!
--Street Fair, Washington Square North
Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!
--34th & 7th
Overheard by: Denah
Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!
--Broadway
Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Kate
Accidents Happen
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.
--Gourmet Garage
Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.
--NBC Studios
Overheard by: Tracy
Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter... (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!
--Central Park
Overheard by: chellie
Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!
--R Train
Overheard by: Kait
Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!
--45th b/w 3rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp
Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so if he can outsmart Megatron.
--East Village
Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.
--Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today
Have You Ever Read Wednesday One-Liners… on Weed?
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you're not much of a drug dealer then, are you?
--77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: fet
Hipster: ...becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea.
--L Train
Overheard by: paola
Boy running by: They're playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint!
--Pratt Institute
Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner.
--L Train
Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don't you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I'll go to jail and you'll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do.
--M102 Bus
The Family Circus You Never Saw.
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008He Takes All His Cues from U.S. Foreign Policy Decisions
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Everyone Makes That Wish
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Guy who brought back shots to the table at friend’s birthday party: Saddle up and take this shot!
Birthday Boy: Red-headed sluts! My wish did come true!
Lakeville, MN
Overheard by Birthday Boy’s girlfriend.
Hopefully Following A Shower
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Older woman on phone: Stacy is in jail right now, but she’ll be into work a little later.
Duluth
Overheard by O_o.
It Didn’t Work For Beavis, Either
Tuesday, July 29th, 200821 year old girl: To talk to girls, you just have to compliment them on something that couldn’t be construed as offensive, like an accessory.
Stringy haired disgruntled looking boy: Like hey, nice barrett, huh huh, nice eyes, I like your eyes. Uh yeah.
21 year old girl: You don’t want a girlfriend; you just wanna get laid.
On the 2 bus
An Amazing Flour
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Woman to friend: What’s a gold medal flour?
Near Stone Arch Bridge, after Aquatennial fireworks
Overheard by T-Lo.
Riveting
Tuesday, July 29th, 200820-something guy #1: And somehow they found out we were living together!
20-something guy #2: OOOOOhhh.
Corporate office, Eagan
Overheard by ashley.
I Hadn’t Noticed
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Middle aged construction worker: It’s fuckin’ hot. It’s fuckin’ hot everywhere. Hot wind, hot sun… it’s even hot in the shade! FUCK!
Xcel Energy power plant construction site
Overheard by The guy with the clipboard.
Which I Do
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Tour guide to impressionable freshmen: And this is Morrill Hall. You probably won’t ever go in there unless you need to use the bathroom.
Church St., U of M Westbank
Save It For The Doctor, Lady
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Woman on cell phone: Well, I’ve always had a little discharge its normal, but now I got even more coming out!
Hennepin County Public Health Clinic
Overheard by getyoselfchecked.
Naaaaaah
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Hickman talking to his girlfriend at the ValleyFair entrance: I should have kept my 9 mil in the car.
ValleyFair entrance
Overheard by ya think creeper?
Stupidity?
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Hipster 20 something girl talking to two other hipster 20 somethings: Yeah, I’ve had four abortions.
Other hipsters: Wow.
Hipster 20 something girl: Yeah, I get pregnant a lot. It just runs in the family!
Uptown, Minneapolis
Overheard by pro….choice?
We Only Know How They Walk In Egypt
Tuesday, July 29th, 20085 year old boy: What do people eat in Egypt?
5 year old girl: Nothing! They don’t eat anything in Egypt!
Southwest Super Summer Program
Overheard by clarodactyl.
That’s What My Boyfriend Says When He Farts
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Young child to mother while entering Gooseberry Falls National Park: Ooh! I smell the gooseberries!
Mother: No, honey. You’re just smelling nature.
Gooseberry Falls National Park, Two Harbors
Overheard by I thought they were *part* of nature…
You’re Going To Need A RAM Upgrade
Tuesday, July 29th, 200850ish Woman looking at a MAC computers: So, I want to be able to read my email and listen to music at the same time.
Sales Guy: Oh yeah, it has all that compatibility.
Best Buy Richfield
Overheard by It even has a color screen…
Want A Medal?
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Middle aged Co-worker#1 after touring the 35w bridge construction site, enthusiastically: Wasn’t that cool to see the bridge up close and get the private tour?
Middle aged Co-Worker#2, sniffs: Well, I suppose so for someone who hasn’t seen it before. I’ve seen it lots of times.
Capitol city cubicle farm
Overheard by so have I, but I guess nobody’s cooler than thou.
Officer: “Phew! Narrowly Avoided That Paperwork.”
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Teen: Excuse me officer, do you guys still do that thing where you get a grand for turning in people with guns?
Cop: Yeah, if they are arrested and are in possession of illegal firearms.
Teen: So, is that like a grand per head kinda deal?
Officer: I don't think so, no.
Teen: Oh...I don't know shit. (walks away)
--Colombus Circle Station
Overheard by: Graham Davis