Overheard In…

Overly tanned gentleman with crisp white shirt: Yo, my brotha, you gotta bib?
Waiter: Uhhh...

--Cafe, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Amanda

(two gay men are adjusting a backpack)
Gay guy #1: Oww, are you sure you know what you're doing?
Gay guy #2: Don't question me! I know how to use Velcro.

--51st Street Station

Pampered Tribeca child #1: Daddy! Please!
Pampered Tribeca child #2: Daddy! Please can we have Mediterranean eggplant for dinner??
Nebbishy Tribeca dad: You know I can't eat that! It's a carb!

--7th Ave

Overheard by: Briguy

Old lady in line at the bank #1: Excuse me, I'm not cutting you, I just need to speak with the teller.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: Well, excuse me, but you are cutting me.
Old lady in line at the bank #1: No, I'm not. The teller told me to come back when I was finished with this form. I'm just doing what I was told to.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: You're just doing what you were told to? That's what the Nazis said!

--87th & Madison

Overheard by: Carmela Machiato

Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.

--6 Train

Overheard by: Chris K

Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done...but I love you.

--2 Train

Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am

Teen, pushing a tire-swing of 4 year olds: Wow, this is really good for my forearms.
4-year-old girl: No way, I only have two arms!

Wayzata, Playground

Depressed man, to friends, while eating corn-on-the-cob: You know, this is just upsetting. I spent $180 today, and all I’ll have to show for it is a really large shit.

MN State Fair
Overheard by suddenly a little less hungry.

Dude well on his way to an epic hangover: Damn this biological conspiracy that made me born without boobs!

Dinkytown, The Blue House
Overheard by The soberest guy in the room.

Dude #1: Have you seen her lately?
Dude #2: Yeah, she looks great except for the bulimia!
Dude #1: Really?  She looks good?
Dude #2: Yeah, except her face looks like Skeletor.

St. Paul, Selby Ave
Overheard by Give her a sandwich.

80-something year old lady to her two BFF’s of the same age: I saw Bertie and his lady friend at the State Fair. Yes, she’s a large woman, tall and quite big. I mean, you could say that about a lot of people, but she’s very large. When she hugs him, it’s all lady and no Bertie!

Fridley, Old Country Buffet
Overheard by poor Bertie!

Chick about cute guy standing: So, his penis... Big, small, doody ball?
Queer: Umm... It's good...slightly larger than doody ball.
Chick: Oh...good.

--Q Train

Overheard by: ShayaKNYC

Obnoxious woman in crowd: I am so hungry, WHERE IS ALL THE FOOD?

MN State Fair
Overheard by where is there *not* food at the fair?

Tan, blonde, 40ish woman: Just stick ‘em on your nipples, it’ll be ok.

Minneapolis, 1st Ave Starbucks
Overheard by Perplexed chai drinker.

Guy, watching piglets work over Piggy Mama: I’m doing that tonight.

MN State Fair, Birth Center
Overheard by girl in scrubs.

Fair-going Dude-bro, passing by the Al Franken booth: Man, that guy sounds like Al Franken.

Minnesota State Fair
Overheard by Genuine Irony.

Boy (after bucket of Sweet Martha’s Cookies is opened): Please shut that. The smell is making my bowels move.

On bus coming from MN State Fair
Overheard by Did it really?

Slightly unfortunate looking boy: Lately my boxers have been riding really high.

MN State Fair grounds by the Education Building
Overheard by I wish I were your boxers…

One teenage boy to another: Man, did I have really bad gas.

Rogers, Target
Overheard by An innocent bystander.

Angry looking white lady stomping up the stairs to her apartment building, yelling: I don’t need to play games with you anymore!
Pleading, musclebound African American thug: I ain’t playin’ games! Girl, that was my EX fiance! She’s trippin’! We ain’t gettin’ married next month! We ain’t even bangin’ no more!

Minneapolis, 22nd and Nicollet
Overheard by How do you get women ever?

20-something man in motorized wheelchair, to female companion also in motorized wheelchair, as they were about to collide: Stop being such a retard!

MN State Fair
Overheard by Really?

Little Girl: I think I’m addicted to water!
Tall Woman next to her: You may be.
Little Girl: (giggle) I LOVE water! (maniacal giggling)

Minneapolis, 5th and Nicollet
Overheard by H2O anon.

Boy #1riding bike yelling at other friend on bike: The best way to get to drink underage is to go there every day and make friends with the bartender!
Boy #2: Does that work?
Boy #1: If you go every day!

St. Paul, Selby and Wheeler
Overheard by You both look thirteen.

20-something girl: Can we just stop? We’re not in any hurry to get home.
Mother: I am, my underwear’s tight.
20-something girl: Um, what does that mean?
Mother: It’s tight and itchy and it hurts.

MN State Fair