Overheard In…

20-something Long Island girl: Oh god! This breakup has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly don't even care that he dumped me.
Friend: Yeah, totally.
20-something Long Island girl: Seriously, he needs to realize if it wasn't for that sweater he was wearing, and the fact that I was on ecstasy that night, we would have never dated for this long.
Friend: Yeah! It was J.Crew... And they were double stacked...you were powerless.

--Lokal Bar, Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aaron

Boy: I'm gay.
Girl: (laughs)
Boy: But what if I was really?
Girl: Then I'd cop a feel.

--All Points West Festival

Overheard by: then I'm gay too

Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this--let's say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let's say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that's a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them--that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me--I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me--maybe, if I'm lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don't know. Aside from that, I'm looking at 2-3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That's why it's easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It's simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.

--Bryant Park

Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies

Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!

--Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: The Happy Hippie

Dude: Are you guys going to get, like, totally drunk tonight and make out?
Sister #1: I'd do it for a lot of money.
Sister #2: A lot of money.
Sister #1: I'd do it for a little money.

--Uptown 1 Train

Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!

--42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: las

College guy #1: Wanna see the best dildo ever?
(shows a digital camera screen to his friend)
College guy #2: Awesome, did you sit on it?
College guy #1: No, but Alissa did, her pussy is so wide.
College guy #2: So true.

--F Line

Seven-year-old girl to her mom: I have more jewelry than you! I have more jewelry than you!
Mother: Like many things in life, this is not a competition.
Girl: Of course it's a competition!

--West Broadway & Broome Street, SoHo

Overheard by: And I thought people would be quoting me...

Chick 1: So he was hot but you didn't call him back because he was descended from royalty and his family was assassinated?
Chick 2: More or less. And he asked me to decorate his apartment 13 minutes after I met him.
Chick 1: But he was half Greek.
Chick 2: And half Syrian.
Chick 1: Oh.

--L Train

Fashionista queer: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette?
Rocker queer: Sorry, I don't smoke. But you should take that as a sign to quit! It's bad for you!
Fashionista queer: Who cares, I'm skinny!

--Cafeteria, 17th & 7th

Overheard by: Nellee

Teen girl #1: I'm done with you. I hate you. I hope DJ Spinbad performs at the sweet 16 you're going to tomorrow!
Teen girl #2: Ohh you take that back. Take it back!

--5th Ave

Customer: Can I have five barbecue sauces?
Cashier: No. This is not Burger King. You cannot have it your way.

--McDonald's

Overheard by: megan loves ian

Teen girl #1: So yeah, like...Paris Hilton totally got kicked out of our school for doing coke too!
Teen girl #2: Paris Hilton went to our school?!
Teen girl #1: Bitch, this isn't about Paris... All I can say is: How cool is it that I got kicked out of the same school as Paris Hilton did, for the same reason?
Teen girl #2: Wait, you got kicked out?
Teen girl #1: Why the fuck do you think I'm not in class anymore?
Teen girl #2: Everyone thought you were pregnant again.

--Park Bench, 89 & CPW

(large Russian woman walks by and says hi)
Old Jewish guy #1: Waddya think of her? She's Russian, right?
Old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, yeah, you can tell. I don't go for that, though. She's a big broad, real chunky. She's like a big tomato.

--Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: makes me hungry...

Chick: Her Facebook picture is her double-fisting two beer bottles.
Queer: Oh, please. You know they were originally two cocks and she Photoshopped them out.

--House party, 172 & Broadway

Overheard by: Well-dressed Indian boy

Girl: She wants me to make a distribution e-mail for four people!
Gay: You better do it.
Girl: Or what? They'll take away my blow-up Statue of Liberty desk statue?

--6 Train

Man: I love you...you know.
Woman: Well then, you'll buy me something expensive.

--Outside Paul Smith Shop

Overheard by: Liam Shove

(family stands facing the empire state building)
Tourist son: Mom, which one is the Empire State Building?
Tourist mom: I think it's the one with the circley top. (points to the Chrysler Building)
Tourist dad: No, honey, it's the one way out there, on the water.
Tourist son #2: That's the Statue of Liberty. (to no one in paritcular) I can't believe I'm part of this fucking family.

--Top of the Rock

Overheard by: Melissa

Woman: How do we know where it is?
Man: That guy said it's at the end of the street.
Woman: Yeah, well, where does the street end?

--Outside of St James Theatre

Overheard by: howdumbareyou