Archive for September, 2008
Don Rickles Moved To Philly?
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Suspenders or Belt, Wednesday One-Liners?
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.
--Uptown 2 Train
Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!
--MSG Skybox
Overheard by: Russ Beef
Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.
--1 Train
Overheard by: batou187
Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants...when I was too old to pee my pants.
--A train
Overheard by: Hannah
Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.
--19th & 8th
Overheard by: Joey
Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
--6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
--Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!
--Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.
--59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i'll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
--Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
--23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
I Told Him to Use the Ladies’
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Men and Women Define “Relationship” Differently
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008The Real Banana Suit
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Order-announcer-gal: Will the guy in the banana suit come up? Your pizza is ready.
Bloomington, Davanni’s
Overheard by Everyone needs a banana suit.
Designated Driver Means Something Different To The Rest Of Us
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Man at bar, buying a round of beers: I usually buy the designated driver a beer, but, you’re driving, so… I better not.
Chanhassen, Buffalo Wild Wings
Overheard by mango habanero.
My Presence Was A Total Accident
Tuesday, September 30th, 200825-year old Guy #1: Dude, I saw these super hot chicks on the U of M campus today. Like, super ridiculously hot.
Guy #2: What were you doing on campus?
25-year old Guy #1: I don’t know, but they were hot.
Humphrey Terminal Station
Overheard by weak end.
Which May or May Not Have a Minimum Height Requirement
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008But It’s Legal Alcoholism
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008College guy with two beers in hand, giving advice to a young friend: Drink as much as you can in high school, because once you get to college it’s called alcoholism.
Minneapolis, HCMC parking lot
Overheard by santos l. halper.
You Were Thinking It, Too
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008College-aged guy, bragging after beating a friend at a James Bond arcade game: Dude, I totally dominated Ken in some hardcore Bond action.
College-aged friend: You did what?!
Mall of America
Overheard by leather daddy.
I Just Don’t Know How She’d Know That
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Preppy woman in mid 30s: Oh, make sure to grab the dolphin safe tuna, last time you got the wrong kind and I think I found a chunk of dolphin in it.
Preppy man in mid 30s: Gross. Thanks.
Edina, Lunds
Overheard by save the dolphins.
In Fact, It’s All Downhill From 3
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Father to 3 year old son: Life is hard, suck it up.
Plymouth, Dance Studio
Overheard by i guess he’s got to learn sometime…
Looking For This On YouTube
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Guy in his late 20s to parents: Mom, Dad, I think I’m gay. Barry Manilow bit me.
Minneapolis, French Meadow
Overheard by laurel.
How Do You Think The Banana Feels?
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Girl to friends, walking through produce section: I have never felt so threatened by produce in all my life.
Mankato, Hy-Vee
Overheard by laurel.
Are They Allowed To Wear Denim?
Tuesday, September 30th, 200830-something woman with straggly hair (to employee): Hey, do you have those long jean skirts here? You know, the kind that polygamist’s wives wear.
Everyday People, Dinkytown
Overheard by a.lil.
The Most Interesting Google Search I’ve Done Today
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Lady standing around by table of discount clothing, to guy browsing through sweatshirts: Yeah, Japanese-made condoms are really the most reliable.
Guy: Mmm-hmm.
Minneapolis, On the lawn in front of Coffman Union
Overheard by woefully uninformed.
Where Are The Dried Plums?
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Target employee walkie talkie: There are RAISINS in aisle 3 for whoever was looking for dried grapes.
Richfield, Target
Overheard by roger that.
Can I Hire You Two For A Party?
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Cute girl, about José Guillén: Send him to the Guillentine!
Tall boyfriend: Good one.
Metrodome - Twins-Royals game
Overheard by They were making fun of player’s names all afternoon.
You Can Join A Support Group
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Bus woman #1: For the record, I really like Scott, too.
Bus woman #2: Even though [inaudible]?
Bus woman #1: Yeah. I know lots of friends who have married Republicans. It’s okay.
Rt. 53 bus
Overheard by Kevin from Minneapolis.
“…So I Can Go Into Clown Porn!”
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008We Imagine a Young Katherine Hepburn in This Role
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Hot chick: You are never gonna get a job talking like that.
Thug: Yeah, you know, I can turn dis shit off and talk all professional and shit if I have to. (in professional voice): I can speak in a manner which is becoming to a young professional and present myself as an upstanding member of society (now back to thug speak) nawmsayin'?
Hot chick (sarcastically, enunciating each word): Yes. I know what you are saying.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Joey Cards
There Are Eight Million Stories in the Naked City
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Happy Jew Year!
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Is It Even Legal to Turn Down Catherine Zeta Jones?
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: (gasp) All I know is (gasp) that I would fuck the shit out of her.
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: (silence)
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Are you honestly saying (gasp) you wouldn't fuck the shit out of her?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: If she was a man...
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Fuck that shit! (gasp) I'm not hearing that.
--Subway Stop, 168th & Broadway
Overheard by: I Would 2