Archive for September, 2008
And a huge bank account.
Monday, September 29th, 2008Do NOT sit next to her.
Monday, September 29th, 2008God is sweet and tasty?
Monday, September 29th, 2008And Just in the Nick of Time
Monday, September 29th, 2008Girl #1: So I'm hooking up with two guys named Nick...bad idea.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Well I gave Nick #2 my number and I got a text from someone who I thought was Nick #2. Turns out it was Nick #1 all along.
Girl #2: What happened?
Girl #1: So I went to Nick #2's house, assuming it was him from the text. I got there, and it's two girls sitting in the bed, Nick's friend and Nick, all in pajamas. Nick #2 pulls me aside, asks what I'm doing there, and I showed him the texts. It wasn't him, it was Nick #1, from his friends phone.
Girl #2: Looks like you're back to just one Nick now!
--Metro North, Stanford Line
Overheard by: Girl 3
“Bitch, You Awake?” Being the Second.
Monday, September 29th, 2008Boyfriend: Love you.
Girlfriend: Love you too.
Boyfriend: Love your rack too.
Girlfriend: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
--82nd & 1st
Overheard by: Cocomo
Headline by: Ross
Runners-Up:
"How the Hat-Check Girl Was Won Over..." - Earthborn
"Low Expectations Can Be Surprisingly Rewarding..." - Sphaeron
"Pipe Down, I Didn't Say I Loved Your Mouth" - Daniel Patterson
"That's the Same Thing Your Sister Said!" - cafn8ed
"The Deepest Conversation Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo Have Ever Had" - rudegrl
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Not the Worst Place to End Up, Actually
Monday, September 29th, 2008Daughter: Dad, where are we getting off?
Father: Um...42nd Street...Times Square...Grand Central Parkway...something like that.
Daughter: 142nd street?
Father: Yeah, something like that.
(doors open for Penn Station)
Mother: I think we should get off here.
Father and daughter: Yeah.
--Uptown 2 Train
I Gag Every Time I Look at 1970’s Beaver Shots
Monday, September 29th, 2008Nine-year-old girl: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
14-year-old girl: Well, I'm a Democrat.
Nine-year-old girl: Why?
14-year-old girl: Well, in my opinion, being a Democrat means you don't like Bush.
Nine-year-old girl: Oh. I'm a Democrat, too.
--Brooklyn Public Library, Greenpoint Branch
Overheard by: Jack Jackl
I Smell A Sitcom Pilot!
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Maybe Those Guys in Ski Masks Took Them? Let’s Go Smoke a Bowl
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Role reversal
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Numbers
Sunday, September 28th, 2008The Dog Should’ve Tipped Me Off
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Helpful Tip: We Don’t Like This
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Old man (to teenage girl): Hey! Hey, you dropped something.
Teenage girl: (stops walking and starts looking around) I don’t see anything. What did I drop?
Old man: You dropped your smile.
Saint Paul, Target
Overheard by meet my new best friend.
It’s A Water Fountain, Isn’t It?
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Dad on cell phone after son has been gone for about ten minutes: If you can’t figure it out, then you don’t get no water! Bye!
Stillwater, SAHS Homecoming
Overheard by girl sitting in the isle.
It’s Not Like You’re In Japan Or Anything
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Large Man to Young Sales Woman: What’s your biggest size in the polos?
Sales Woman: Our largest size is a triple extra large.
Large Man: All right! That’s what I’m talking about! It’s not like I’m Japanese or anything.
Lacoste Store at the Mall of America
Overheard by you can’t be fat and Japanese?
That First Test Is Going To Confuse Her
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Ditsy U of M girl to ditsy friend: I like biology because it’s, like, about the study of the body.
U of M Centennial Dinning hall
Overheard by ….I’m scared for my generation running the world.
Childhood Is For Suckers
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Metrodome Announcer: Let’s Get It On!
7-year old kid sitting in the row behind me: That’s what she said! (a few minutes later) Man, I could really go for a cigarette.
Metrodome - Twins Game
Overheard by Wha?
Left It In My Other Purse
Sunday, September 28th, 2008African-American man on phone: Well now, you just bring your hair, and you be on your way.
5 northbound, Chicago-Lake
Overheard by serial forgetter of hair.
My Mom Says Hunger Makes You Pretty
Sunday, September 28th, 2008And Almost As Stupid As Hot Aaron
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Wait! — Let Me Put on My L.L. Bean Jacket and Try That Agai
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Your Relationship with Your Mom Is Way Too Complex
Sunday, September 28th, 2008One Fuckaccino, One No-Balls, and a Mysterious East Coming Up
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Where They Let the Sunshine in
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Might We Recommend I Am Curious (Bonobo)?
Sunday, September 28th, 2008Tween boy #1: Did you see her monkey?
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey?
Tween boy #1: The monkey in her pants, tard.
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey in her pants?
Tween boy #1: You need to watch more porn.
Tween boy #2: Porn with monkeys? My brother is right, I'm not ready for any of this.
--D Train
Overheard by: BobK