Overheard In…

Girl, reading Hydrocortisone cream label: What is "sorey asses"?
Friend: It's "psoriasis," asshole!

--Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Sarah

Teenage boy in Boston Celtics jacket: Ewww, this is Jackson Heights?
Father: Yeah, I guess so.
Bored tween girl: Can we go back to the hotel, puh-lease?
Mom: Not yet. I want to find where Ugly Betty lives.

--Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jellobelle

Security guard to group of teenagers: Where are you from? Are you from the West Coast? I want to know what's going on over there.
Teenager: We're from Washington, DC.
Security guard: Oh, that's on the West Coast.
Teenager: No, Washington, DC is on the East Coast.
Security guard: Ohhh. You've got all those politicians, huh? That sucks.

--Bowrey Ballroom

Overheard by: Fifi

NYU chick as "Back in the USSR" plays: Why are they playing so much 80s music?
NYU dude: It's cool, it's The Beatles.
NYU chick: Such a weird song, like Russia's all great or something.
NYU dude: I think it's supposed to be ironic.

--Bleecker & Broadway

Guy #1: Remember that whore you were pissing on?
Guy #2: She was not a whore. Can we just clear that up now? She was just a horny Asian girl.
Guy #3: Well, if you kissed her and didn't pay her, she's not technically a whore.
Guy #2: Right.

--9th St & 3rd Ave

Hispanic guy to tall guy passing by: Pssst!
(tall guy turns head without stopping)
Tall guy: No, thanks. (keeps walking and Hispanic guy starts following him)
Hispanic guy: Psssssst!
(tall guy stops at door, opens it)
Hispanic guy: Oh, you live here. I live over there. Why don't you let me suck your dick?

--35th & 9th

Overheard by: Brad

Girl #1: What do you think?
Girl #2: Oh! He's kind of cute...except he looks kind of like a serial killer.

--Le Royale, West Village

Overheard by: Pierre Pierre

Headline by: Elise

Runners-Up:
"Bloodstains Will Do That" - benji
"Exactly What the Dexter Ads Were Aiming For" - Peter
"Gossip Between Jurors at the Ted Bundy Trial" - ted bundy
"OMG! If He Asks Me Out, I'll Just Die!" - juls
"The Hockey Mask Is a Nice Touch, Though." - Sandy Paws
"To Be Fair, She Said That About Almost Every Guy Tammy Set Her Up With Who Happened to Have a Swatstika Tattoo on His Forehead" - Rebecca Loeser
"What With the Clown Make-up and All" - BabakganoosH
"Why Girls Like Cats" - lucyconnuk
"You Know, Kind Of a Lady Killer Type, Ya Know?" - c


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Young boy to mother: You poop too much. You poop all the time.
Mother: But everyone poops all the time. It's good to poop. People who don't poop are in trouble because they are constipated.

--Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Sometimes I'm in trouble too

Tourist #1: Are we in New York?
Tourist #2: I hope so.

--82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Native New Yorker

Guy promoting comedy club: Hey ladies, you like comedy? Fuck Broadway, they're all run and acted by terrorists.
Girl passing by: Yeah? Well, if Jennifer Garner and Kevin Kline are terrorists I'll eat my own pants in Times Square!

--Broadway

Businesswoman, trying to pass woman down narrow sidewalk: Excuse me, you are walking very slowly.
Slow woman: I'm not in a rush.
Businesswoman: Where do you think you are, Connecticut?

--Fulton b/w Cliff & Gold

Overheard by: Zach

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen...okay...(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry--I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

--34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

--Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

--25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

--Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

--Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall