Overheard In…

Teenage girl: Mom! You're being obsequious.
Hip mom: Oh. "Obsequious." Big word. Either you've started studying for the SATs or you're just pandering to your intellectual higher-ups. My guess is the latter.

--78th St & Broadway

Cab passenger #1, about cabbie: He's such a bad driver. Is he Chinese?
Cab passenger #2: He's wearing a turban!

--50th & 10th

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk...

--LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

--Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human.

--Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

--La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

--Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!

--Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Paper

Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!

--3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center

Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.

--Kings County Emergency Room

Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!

--Nassau St & Ann St

Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?

--St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!

--17th & Irving

(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.

--Columbus Circle

Overheard by: momes

Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!

--Jerry Orbach St

Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.

--Broadway & Houston

Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!

--Financial District

Overheard by: lex

Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.

--Port Authority Bus

Overheard by: Emily

M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.

--106th & West End

Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars...this is not a jail.

--M15 Bus

Overheard by: bonoboxoxo

Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue...or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.

--M16 Crosstown Bus

Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!

--M16 Bus

Overheard by: alli

65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual...can't you see the view?"

--49th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: NATE MATHIS

Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!

--50th b/w 8th & 9th

Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.

--Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side

Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.

--Hillside & Edgerton

Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?

--Bowery Ballroom

Hipster guy #1: You can't be a kid forever.
Hipster guy #2: No, but you can think like one.
Hipster guy #1: Yeah, you can think like one.

--Chinatown Bus

Girl #1: It's going to suck if everyone there has a boring sense of humor.
Girl #2: So get them hyped up on cocaine, then everything is funny!
Girl #1: I will! Wait...how do *you* know?
Girl #2: At this point I would knock you on the side of the neck, steal your wallet, and run away.

--Main Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michelle

Boyfriend: What the f%&# is Beyonce doing on the cover of Seventeen Magazine?
Girlfriend: I don’t know. It’s just a magazine. It don’t matter.
Boyfriend: It matters to me.

Minneapolis, Hiawatha Walgreens magazine aisle
Overheard by perpetuallyamused.

McDonalds Employee: Jane, I need some more boy toys!
Jane (McDonalds Employee): Don’t you already have enough?

St Paul, University McDonalds
Overheard by: One of Jane’s many boy toys.

Woman eating:  Oh, this is so spicy!
Friend:  Is it regular hot or Norwegian hot?

Minneapolis, Roat Osha in Uptown
Overheard by it’s not that spicy.

Client, after being denied funds: You wanna cut me off?  Fine!  I got a breadmaker between MY legs and honey I know how to use it!

Minneapolis, An office full of joy
Overheard by Social Work Drone.

Guy on cell phone: Yeah, he said because you insulted him you need to bring beer.
Friend to guy: And porn.
Guy into cell: And he says you need to bring porn. (then to friend) Do you want straight porn?
Friend:  I don’t know what that means, but I definitely want a plot.

Minneapolis, House party
Overheard by who really cares?

Cashier chatting up two girls: I don’t know if you know anything about the Uptown area, but it can be pretty dangerous.  You need to be pretty careful.
Girl #1: We live at Cedar-Riverside.
Girl #2 aside: I fall asleep to gunshots.

Minneapolis, Cheapo
Overheard by beat that.

Guy (sitting down at a table with a group of girls he doesn’t know): Hey guys? Can I eat here? Thanks.
Girl #1 (trying to be nice): So, what’s your major?
Guy: English, but I’m thinking of changing to Spanish.
Girl #2: Oh. That’s sweet.
Guy: Or is it sour?
Girls: Uh…
Guy: Or what’s not bitter? Or salty? Or tangy?
Girl #2 whispers to girl #1: Seriously?
Guy: Or maybe spicy? Or bland? Yeah, I usually run out after eight taste buds.

U of MN dining hall
Overheard by painful to listen to.

Mother: You stay away from that Hannah Montana! She’s NO GOOD.
Teen Daughter: But whyyy?
Mother: She’s NO GOOD, Ariana, NO GOOD. (walks away muttering under her breath)

Maplewood, Michael’s
Overheard by Alco.

Single flirty girl in her mid-30s to the bartender (looking at an Andy Warhol painting of Mao Zedong on the wall): Is that a picture of Wolfgang Puck?
Bartender (trying not to rudely laugh): Um, no, that’s Mao Zedong, a famous leader of the Chinese Communist party.
Single flirty girl:  Oh. Um, can I get another one of these martinis, they’re really good!

20.21 bar at the Walker
Overheard by Cultural patron of the arts.

50-something woman, about the loud noise during a turn: Uh-oh! Sounds like we’ve got a loose wheel!

Bloomington, Lightrail
Overheard by Sounds like you’ve got a loose wheel.

Girlfriend:  I NEVER clog the toilet.
Boyfriend:  Oh yeah, what about that time after Subway?
10 year old bystander:  Talk about a 5 dollar footlong.

Slayton, Christmas Party
Overheard by Heh.

Girl #1: Oh my god, I stayed up all last night to finish that project on Ojibwe.
Girl #2: Oh my god, you’re so stupid! The project was on Zimbabwe!
Girl #1: They’re the same thing, stupid!
Girl #2: Oh.

Minneapolis, South High AP English class
Overheard by they rhyme, so…close enough.

20-something chick (smelling pot and laughing): Woo...better cross the street! Wouldn't want to get high on this second hand smoke!
Middle aged father: Yeah, you're right...first hand is always better!

--4th & Washington Square West

Overheard by: agrees with the dad