Overheard In…

Suit #1: Have you heard from Robert? How is he?
Suit #2: He's running his hedge fund from prison.

--79th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Boagy

20 year-old guy: What if the afterlife and hell exists? I mean if it does, there has to be a society because billions of people would be there by now.
Friend: Yeah...
20 year-old: So that's a lot of people, like a society has to emerge since there can't be that many demons and torturers. You would have like a McDonald's and people working there. (pause) But you could be working there, and it could be every day for an eternity.
Friends: That's so much worse than hell.

--New Jersey Transit, Port Authority Bus Terminal

Jewish girl: That reminds me of this old Jewish story. Like, there was this queen with seven sons and she had to decide which one would be king, so she told all of them to go bring her a great treasure and they all came back with like gold and jewels but then the youngest one came back with this little orphan girl and he's like "Oh, she just needs love," so the mom is like, "yes, you shall be king!"
(entire class is silent)
Random guy: Wait...what?
Jewish boy: This is why we're oppressed.

--Stuyvesant High School

40-something woman #1: I heard the New Year's Eve party at the church was whack.
40-something woman #2: Thank god I didn't go to church.

--E 42nd St

Overheard by: peterjohn

Teen Girl to friend: I'd much rather he got turned on by his two friends than a Broadway show. I mean, how *gay* would that be?

--Boardwalk, Brighton Beach

Obese Midwestern tourist: So are we gonna go get that falafel thing?
Other Midwestern tourist: Well, if we're gonna go to Hooters we don't need to get the falafel thing.
Obese Midwestern tourist: Why not? I could eat both.
Other Midwestern tourist: Do you know what a falafel thing is?
Obese Midwestern tourist: It's like ice cream.
Other Midwestern tourist: Oh, really? I thought that was gelato.
Obese Midwestern tourist: No, dumbass.
Other Midwestern tourist: Okay, well I guess you'd know...

--7 Train

Overheard by: Caitlin

(group of socialites-in-training exit cab)
Yuppie with dark round glasses: Here's your tip, cabbie.
Cabbie: Oh, great.
Yuppie: Well, fuck you very much.
Cabbie, driving off: Screw you, Harry Potter!

--Canal & Orchard St

Overheard by: Jynx

Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?

--Bedford L Train

Overheard by: Ben Graney

Woman being introduced to a man: You already met me, you never remember my name!
Very angry man: No, I don't know you! I'm no ordinary dummy!

--Flying Saucer Café, Brooklyn

Boy #1, looking at picture book: Grapes are purple, corn is yellow, tomatoes are red, edamame is green.
Boy #2: I think those are peas.
Boy #1: What are peas?

--LIRR

Overheard by: loisann

Little girl: Daddy, what's an orgasm?
Dad: It's kinda like a sneeze. Now don't ask me any more questions.

--Times Square