Teenage girl: So, I asked my friend for a band-aid and she game me a tampon.
St. Paul, MPA
Overheard by That’s a different problem…
Archive for January, 2009
Probably A Little Overkill
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Not From Where They’re Standing
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Box Office Employee to Two Ushers: Wow, it’s like my own little peep show except I’m on the wrong side of the box.
Minneapolis, Downtown Theatre
Overheard by helopookie.
YOU Barely Even Count
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Guy (pointing to picture): Is that person a guy or a girl?
Girl: A GIRL, duh! How could you have missed her boobs? I thought that was all guys looked at!
Guy: Well, sorry! Her boobs can’t be more than 34A. They barely even count!
Minnetonka, HHS French III
Overheard by 36B.
Explains Why I Saw You Cleaning Your Windshield with Her Hair
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009(guy brings in daughter to work and introduces her to everyone except one woman)
Left out coworker: You brought your daughter in here and introduced her to everyone but me?
Guy: Yeah, so?
Left-out coworker: That's messed up and immature.
Guy: How so? She's my daughter and I do whatever I want with her.
--52nd & 7th
To Be Fair, a Lot Of Us Would Like to Forget About Connecticut
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009From the All-Hobo Rendition Of the Star Wars Trilogy
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Sylvia Hadn’t Realized They Were off Staten Island.
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by "wonderfully" I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)
--Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Nobody Says Much About Bistro 404
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Sounds Like A Great Thursday
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Which Barely Has Running Water
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Whose Basketball Playing Will We Mock Then?
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Thug #1: I heard some shit like white people is dying out, like they ain't gonna be here in like a hundred years. Dead ass.
Thug #2: You mean the whole world gonna be like Harlem, and Chinatown and shit?
Thug #1: Yea, nigga.
Thug #2: That shit will be tight, son!
Thug #1 (looking around): Nah, nigga, that shit scary.
--112th & Lexington
Stupid People Don’t Know It’s Okay to Say “I Don’t Know”
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009When I Was Young This Is What We Dreamed The Internet Would Be
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009Bacon!
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009That Explains Your 2002 Christmas Card
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Wednesday Hotliners
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Fat girl at bar: Be hot, be educated, bend me over. That's all I want.
--Kenny's Castaways
Overheard by: Richard
Conductor (bitchily): Ladies and gentlemen, if you think the car you are in is too hot, feel free to get up and move!
--NJ Transit, Penn Station
Teenage girl to friend: Yeah, right, like, "Hi, I took the school bus with you in elementary school. Now you're really hot." (both laugh)
--Hunter College High School
Overheard by: Rosebud
Man on phone: Hey man, she was hot. But listen, don't tell her I have a girlfriend, okay?
--5th Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: i'm going to break it to her gently
Teenage girl on cell: Yes, I know you're not supposed to take pills from people you don't know, but he was so hot! And then I think I had sex with him.
--Chinatown Bus Station
Overheard by: Emily
Obama Fever!
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Woman: I’ll take five dollars worth of stamps.
Postal Worker: (hands her the stamps)
Woman: (looks at stamps) Wait, are these Obama stamps? Damn, that’s fast.
Postal Worker: (puzzled look) That’s Frank Sinatra.
Minneapolis, Lake St Post Office
Overheard by if Frankie had a tan…
A Lost Generation Of Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Hipster kid: I should just stop wearing underwear altogether.
--Loews Cinema, 84th St
Hipster girl on cell: Is it "i before e" or "e before i"? "E before i," right? I knew it was "i before e"!
--11th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jerome
Drunk hipster girl to boyfriend: I can't afford to buy drugs, I have to buy lunch on Wednesday.
--A Train
Overheard by: Jesse Jack
Angry hipster girl: Why are there so many ATMs everywhere?!
--6th St & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Cash Money
Hipster girl, commenting on painting to friend: God, you see diamonds everywhere now. They're like the new antlers.
--Bushwick Art Loft
That’s More Exciting Than A Movie
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Coworker #1: What did you do this weekend?
Coworker #2: Well, I had a little stroke, can you believe it?
St. Paul, St. Kate’s
Overheard by I need to find a younger crowd.
Not Until The Duggars Have One More
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Roommate #1: Like, ballpark guess, what is the population of the United States?
Roommate #2: Hmmm… 7 billion?
St. Paul, St. Thomas
Overheard by Is there even that many people in the world?
This Subtle Torture Is Their Only Joy
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Customer: What is a McDouble? Is it like a double cheeseburger?
Employee: No. (long pause) It’s like a McDouble.
Customer: Okay. Then what is a McDouble like?
Employee: Um, it’s like a double cheeseburger.
Minneapolis, McDonald’s on Hiawatha
Overheard by Critty.
Yeah, I’ve Blocked Much Of It Out, Too
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Girl, looking up from newspaper: We chose hope over fear?! Was it ever really in question?
Man: And how did it come down to those two choices, hope and fear. What were the other choices that were eliminated first?
Edina, Caribou on Xerxes
Overheard by Lord Williams.
It’s The Convenient Way Hats Are Built To Fit On Their Heads
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Older white woman #1: Did you see Aretha Franklin’s hat during the Inauguration today?
Older white woman #2: Yes! Black women sure can wear hats!
Minneapolis, Bibelot Store
Overheard by Amused.
Effing Wednesday One-Liners
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.
--110th & Broadway
Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: NYU girl
Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!
--10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Helene and Alice
Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)
--M4 Bus