Overheard In…

Young man in line for ticket machine to old man walking away with no ticket: Is the machine broken?
Old man (seriously): No, I was just reading the screen.

--Penn Station

Overheard by: Hilariter

Nine-year-old girl #1: You don't know what it's like because your father didn't die.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Yeah, I never had a father.
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, so he never died. Hey, you wanted to rent a movie tonight...what do you want to see?

--Bedford Ave & N 6th St

Overheard by: Andrew

Girl: I can't take the $100,000.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Cause being poor is a part of who I am.

--Columbia Medical Center

Overheard by: Philips Loh

Ghetto girl: So I used his razor to shave my armpits and he got all pissed talkin' bout germs and shit. I told him, "with all the humpin' we's been doin' I think I'm the one who needs to be worried about germs with all your STDs!"
Ghetto friend: Word.

--6 Train

Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!

--LIRR

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Blonde in stilettos: My boss told me that she slept with Mick Jagger.
Blonde in pumps: Recently?
Blonde in stilettos: No, back when he was beautiful.
Blonde in pumps: He was beautiful?
Blonde in stilettos: In the sixties.
Blonde in pumps: That's so sad.

--Marquee's

Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.

--Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg

(in Spanish)
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, I couldn't pee all day. I just peed before we left the office, that's it.
Hispanic woman #2: You gotta go to the doctor for that, you know. Could be bad.
Hispanic woman #3: I peed so much today... I just couldn't stop! It just went on and on for so long. I peed so much I felt something break, you know?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl!

--39th & 8th

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!

--Bleecker & McDougal

Little girl in stall with her mother: Are you going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No, I don't have to go.
Little girl: But you said you had to go!
Mother: I changed my mind.
Little girl: That's not something you can change your mind about!

--Ladies' Room, Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Man: Say, how's your tapeworm doing?
Woman: Oh, don't even get me started!

--R Train

Overheard by: Chad L.

Man at urinal #1: I'd like to smack the motherfucker who invented the button fly.
Man at urinal #2: Seriously. He clearly wasn't a drinker.
Man at urinal #1: It's just so selfish.

--Shea Stadium

Cashier: Hi ma'am, did you find everything you wanted?
Big funky black lady: Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you guys don't sell husbands here.

--Bath and Body Works, Park Ave & 23rd

Overheard by: thinking the same thing

Skinny black man: Can you tell me what a fiasco is?
White guy at table with him: Yeah, it's like a party, a big party.

--Outside Nathan's, Coney Island

Overheard by: Justi

TA pointing at picture of Alan Greenspan: Okay, who is this?
Front row student: Alan Greenspan.
TA: And what is he best known for?
Front row student: Being Jewish.

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Just sitting in the back

Guy #1: See, I was in a diner the other day, I ordered some food and, yeah, I kinda noticed that the waitress was hot. Once I'd got my food and gone outside, I saw they hadn't given me my hash brown. So I went back in thinking, you know, I could get my hash brown and ask the waitress for her number or something. But when I got back the waitress was like "I ate your hash brown."
Guy #2: She ate your hash brown?
Guy #1: She ate my hash brown!

--Lexington Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Crazy hobo, looking up from intense argument with imaginary friend: Excuse me, sir!
Confused suit: Uh, yeah?
Crazy hobo: What kind of teacher are you?
Confused suit: Teacher?
Crazy hobo: Yes, what subject do you teach?
Confused suit: But, um, I'm not a teacher...
Crazy hobo: Oh. Well, that's alright. Don't think I was criticizing you. I guess it's alright if you're not a teacher. I wasn't insulting you!

--6th & Spring

Overheard by: Heather

Thug to female friend: Damn, I ain't never gonna have my house stop smelling like pussy.
Spanish passerby, in Spanish: I hope he is talking about his cats.

--136th & Broadway

Overheard by: gator city girl

Woman: We gotta get yogurt for the kids, too.
Man: I got yogurt.
Woman: Yeah, Activia. You can't be giving kids Activia! Kids already be shittin' like mad!

--Costco, Brooklyn

30-something Latina: I wish I could beat my daughter like it was allowed when I was growing up.
Friend, nodding knowingly: Uh-huh.

--Gun Hill & Rochambeau

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Girl in bathroom #1: God, I look horrible today. This is what Madonna must look like after playing some baseball with a rod. (pause) if you know what I mean...
Girl in bathroom #2: Are you really that dumb? Madonna is a singer, not a baseball player...everyone knows that!

--Macy's

Overheard by: Home run for ester!