Overheard In…

Young man in line for ticket machine to old man walking away with no ticket: Is the machine broken?
Old man (seriously): No, I was just reading the screen.

--Penn Station

Overheard by: Hilariter

Nine-year-old girl #1: You don't know what it's like because your father didn't die.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Yeah, I never had a father.
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, so he never died. Hey, you wanted to rent a movie tonight...what do you want to see?

--Bedford Ave & N 6th St

Overheard by: Andrew

Girl: I can't take the $100,000.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Cause being poor is a part of who I am.

--Columbia Medical Center

Overheard by: Philips Loh

Ghetto girl: So I used his razor to shave my armpits and he got all pissed talkin' bout germs and shit. I told him, "with all the humpin' we's been doin' I think I'm the one who needs to be worried about germs with all your STDs!"
Ghetto friend: Word.

--6 Train

Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!

--LIRR

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Blonde in stilettos: My boss told me that she slept with Mick Jagger.
Blonde in pumps: Recently?
Blonde in stilettos: No, back when he was beautiful.
Blonde in pumps: He was beautiful?
Blonde in stilettos: In the sixties.
Blonde in pumps: That's so sad.

--Marquee's

Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.

--Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg

(in Spanish)
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, I couldn't pee all day. I just peed before we left the office, that's it.
Hispanic woman #2: You gotta go to the doctor for that, you know. Could be bad.
Hispanic woman #3: I peed so much today... I just couldn't stop! It just went on and on for so long. I peed so much I felt something break, you know?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl!

--39th & 8th

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!

--Bleecker & McDougal

Little girl in stall with her mother: Are you going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No, I don't have to go.
Little girl: But you said you had to go!
Mother: I changed my mind.
Little girl: That's not something you can change your mind about!

--Ladies' Room, Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Man: Say, how's your tapeworm doing?
Woman: Oh, don't even get me started!

--R Train

Overheard by: Chad L.

Man at urinal #1: I'd like to smack the motherfucker who invented the button fly.
Man at urinal #2: Seriously. He clearly wasn't a drinker.
Man at urinal #1: It's just so selfish.

--Shea Stadium

Cashier: Hi ma'am, did you find everything you wanted?
Big funky black lady: Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you guys don't sell husbands here.

--Bath and Body Works, Park Ave & 23rd

Overheard by: thinking the same thing

Skinny black man: Can you tell me what a fiasco is?
White guy at table with him: Yeah, it's like a party, a big party.

--Outside Nathan's, Coney Island

Overheard by: Justi

TA pointing at picture of Alan Greenspan: Okay, who is this?
Front row student: Alan Greenspan.
TA: And what is he best known for?
Front row student: Being Jewish.

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Just sitting in the back

Guy #1: See, I was in a diner the other day, I ordered some food and, yeah, I kinda noticed that the waitress was hot. Once I'd got my food and gone outside, I saw they hadn't given me my hash brown. So I went back in thinking, you know, I could get my hash brown and ask the waitress for her number or something. But when I got back the waitress was like "I ate your hash brown."
Guy #2: She ate your hash brown?
Guy #1: She ate my hash brown!

--Lexington Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Teenage girl to friend: Your bra is like Anne’s* purse!

Maplewood, Mounds Park Academy
Overheard by Chock full of goodies!

Waitress:  Thanks you guys, let me know if you need anything else. I hope you enjoy your tour!
Dad of prospective U of M student (to waitress):  So, do you go to school here?
Waitress:  Well, I used to.  I finished up last May.
Dad (to daughter):  You hear that, sweetie?  If you go to school here you could wait tables after you graduate.

Minneapolis, Dinkytowner
Overheard by Sophie Z.

Crazy hobo, looking up from intense argument with imaginary friend: Excuse me, sir!
Confused suit: Uh, yeah?
Crazy hobo: What kind of teacher are you?
Confused suit: Teacher?
Crazy hobo: Yes, what subject do you teach?
Confused suit: But, um, I'm not a teacher...
Crazy hobo: Oh. Well, that's alright. Don't think I was criticizing you. I guess it's alright if you're not a teacher. I wasn't insulting you!

--6th & Spring

Overheard by: Heather

Thug to female friend: Damn, I ain't never gonna have my house stop smelling like pussy.
Spanish passerby, in Spanish: I hope he is talking about his cats.

--136th & Broadway

Overheard by: gator city girl

Woman: We gotta get yogurt for the kids, too.
Man: I got yogurt.
Woman: Yeah, Activia. You can't be giving kids Activia! Kids already be shittin' like mad!

--Costco, Brooklyn

30-something Latina: I wish I could beat my daughter like it was allowed when I was growing up.
Friend, nodding knowingly: Uh-huh.

--Gun Hill & Rochambeau

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Girl in bathroom #1: God, I look horrible today. This is what Madonna must look like after playing some baseball with a rod. (pause) if you know what I mean...
Girl in bathroom #2: Are you really that dumb? Madonna is a singer, not a baseball player...everyone knows that!

--Macy's

Overheard by: Home run for ester!