Overheard In…

Manager: Try hiking in Norway without wandering around goats. It’s impossible.

Eden Prairie, office
Overheard by slolee.

Girl #1:  My next Netflix movie is ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’.
(pause)
Girl #2:  That’s a movie title?
Girl #1:  Yeah, have you not heard of it?
Girl #2:  Are you sure you don’t mean ‘Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist’?
Girl #1:  You really think I’d mix up those titles?

MOA
Overheard by Pretty much the same plot line…

Intellectual 8-year-old randomly: In my opinion, anyone who attacks a pirate is just as bad as the pirate.  Right, dad?
Father:  Sure.

MOA
Overheard by I bet he wishes his son talked about basketball.

Teenage girl observing Russian stamps in museum exhibit: You know, their stamps were so cool, the way they spread political ideas to the people. (pause; keeps looking with friend) Our stamps should spread political ideas, too. Like terrorists.

Minneapolis, The Museum of Russian Art
Overheard by She’s usually not this ditzy!

Young college male to friend:  I never realised that I grew up in a tropical paradise… until I moved to Minnesota.

U of MN dorm

Woman: The bar is my playground and weird people are my jungle gym.

Minneapolis, VFW
Overheard by My BlackBerry wishes Jane a Happy Birthday.

Nurse leaving clinic: It’s a good thing we had that trainee in today. That kid had, like, five bags of coke in him. It’s a good learning experience for everyone that way.

Bloomington, a clinic
Overheard by Kay Jay Aye.

Minneapolis bus regular: I goin’ down to Lake Street. But I ain’t got no money. I can’t go to the liquor store and I can’t go to Sunny’s. SOUTHSIDE TILL I DIE. YOU ALL SOUTHSIDE. WE ON THE FIIIVE. I GOT FIIIVE ON IT!

5 Bus
Overheard by I can only dream of being as Southside as you.

5 year old boy upon seeing snow falling while heading out for recess: Spring in Minnesota is bullshit.
5 year old girl: What’s spring?

Plymouth, Kindergarten class
Overheard by Amused teacher trying not to laugh at the swearing.

Crazy woman on mobile phone: I need to go wherever you go and do whatever you do. I am getting rid of everything that is distracting me from you. You will NOT go to Colorado without me.

17, Bus
Overheard by WOW! and another reason why not to talk to people on the Bus.

Boy to his mother: Well, why don’t all Minnesotans get in a circle, link hands and sing “Here Comes the Sun!” THEN MAYBE IT’LL GET WARMER AND I’LL CHEER THE FUDGE UP.

Oakdale, Target
Overheard by good idea.

Coworker #2 to Coworker #1: I just want to specify that when I said I cooked her an omelet, I didn’t mean that I “cooked her an omelet”.  She was hungry, I had eggs.  End of story.
Coworker #1: Dude, what else would it have meant?

Eagan, Thomson Reuters
Overheard by I’m wondering that too.

Teenage Girl #1: When is the last day of Lent?
Teenage Girl #2: Easter. Why?
Teenage Girl #1: Because that’s when I can start texting in class again.

Eden Prairie, Central Middle School
Overheard by you must be an amazing student.

Girl #1: What are sea monkeys?
Girl #2: These weird fish things.
Girl #3: They’re these nasty little orgasms!
Girl #1: ORGASMS??
Girl #3: Organisms! I meant organisms.

Roseville, HarMar Mall
Overheard by what ARE they, anyway?

Guy in hallway: I work for a company in Elko that makes slot-machine bases. When you go into a casino, the slot machines have to sit on something. That’s what we make.

Burnsville, Office building
Overheard by That’s FASCINATING!

Workout Delinquent: I have court tomorrow.
Friend: For what?
Workout Delinquent: That terroristic threat I made a while back.
Friend: Still with that?
Workout Delinquent: Yeah, I’m on probation for another 6 months. I really want to kill that fucking judge.
Friend: Bummer.

Lakeville, Lifetime Fitness
Overheard by Is this locker bulletproof?

My now arch-nemesis, droning on and on while I tried to do work: And if your starfish gets sick, bring it to me, I know that fuckin’ anatomy.

MCTC, math class
Overheard by Hate is not a strong enough word.

Drunk guy: Man ’cause of this construction shit now I hafta walk TWO MORE blocks to Hooters, y’hear me? TWO BITCHIN’ BLOCKS.
Bus driver: On the upside, now you’re two blocks closer to Deja Vu.

 Minneapolis, the 16 @ Hennepin & Washington
Overheard by are you 2 blocks closer or farther away from home?

Blonde: So, when I realized he was copying off my test, I put some fake answers down.
Blonde’s friend: I guess he’ll know not to  copy off you again.
Blonde: Only problem is I forgot to put the right answers down afterwards.
Blonde’s friend: How much of your grade is this midterm worth?
Blonde: I think 20%. But that’s ok, it’s not curved!
Blonde’s friend: Uhh… then what was the point of feeding him fake answers?

Minneapolis, Washington Ave bus stop
Overheard by You Should Drop That Class.

20-something male office worker #1: I got carried away and ate a whole roll of fig newtons last night. So I have that to look forward to.
20-something male office worker #2: We all do.

Minneapolis, Office
Overheard by Can’t wait.

Girl, to friend: Getting mauled by a bear is the second worst way to die.

Apple Valley, Walgreens
Overheard by what’s the worst way then?

Girl#1: That crazy Mexican.
Girl #2: He’s from Columbia!
Girl #1: Whatever. They’re both in South America.
Girl #2: Mexico is in North America.
Girl #1: Oh. Close enough.
Girl #2: Yeah, technically everything north of the Panama Canal is in North America.
Girl #1: Wait, the Panama Canal… isn’t that in Italy?

Richfield, High School English classroom
Overheard by Yes. Yes it is.

Office worker #1: I’m trying to fill out this form but it’s asking for country of birth and Korea isn’t on the list.
Office worker #2: That’s because Korea isn’t a country.
Office worker #1 (snidely): Uh, yeah it is.  I was born there.
Office worker #2: Try South Korea.
(pause)
Office worker #1:  Oh.

Minneapolis, the office

Woman on mobile phone: They named her Arial. (pause) Yes, like the typeface, but it’s a really nice typeface.

17, Bus
Overheard by Times New Roman.

Teen girl #1: Oh, I should have brought my sunglasses!
Teen girl #2: Yeah, it’s really bright out today.
Teen girl #1: Oh well, I’ll just have to risk getting skin cancer of the eyes.

Minneapolis, Lake Harriet
Overheard by not idiot cancer of the brain?