Overheard In…

Woman in line at bank: I got a twin.
Friend: I think everybody do.

--HSBC, Boreum Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tony Cimino, DMA

Jappy girl #1: Ewww, I can't believe I had sex with him Saturday night.
Jappy girl #2: Was it good?
Jappy girl #1: I don't know, it was only for like 20 seconds.

--3rd Ave & 34th St

Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um...what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!

--Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Julzz

20-something girl to friend: You can't be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I'm telling you what.
20-something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!

--Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman

Hood teen #1: So they told me if I fight her I'll get arrested.
Hood teen #2: Why? She pregnant?

--L Train

Overheard by: Jamma Mamma

Young bodega rat on corner: Dude, she just told me to go fuck myself!
Bodega rat's friend: That's cause she gangsta--you not!

--Hamilton Heights, 137th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lo Fisch

Fat woman, stopping sales lady: Hold up. Where are all the clothes for fat teenagers?
Sales lady: Uhh...uhh...7th floor.

--Macy's, Herald Square

Ghetto girl #1: Raymond is gay.
Ghetto girl #2: No wonder he kisses like a bitch!
Ghetto girl #1: Maybe he don't like those rough-ass African lips...

--5 Train

Overheard by: wink

Hipster teen: Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat: Welcome to the recession, buddy!

--42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That's why I switched to heroin.

--Bryant Park

Girl #1: So did you make out?
Girl #2: No, but I threw up in my mouth a little.

--13th & Broadway

Overheard by: I hope you had a mint afterwards

Tall long-haired, bearded man getting on bus through rear doors: Jesus on the bus!
(ten minutes later, as he gets off bus) Jesus walking!

--125th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Jonesy

Jock #1: I still want to punt a pigeon one of these days...
Jock #2: Dude! I so got one last week!

--Columbia University

Overheard by: I'd like to see you try

Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work--you need money to bribe people.

--Chase ATM, Grammercy

Overheard by: cmk

Headline by: Luminesce

Runners-Up:
"He'll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time" - again
"I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait" - JohnAustin
"In the End, He'll Use His Sex Appeal" - Daniel
"It's a Catch-22" - Gary
"Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in" - Fresca P
"You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama's Senate Seat" - Nick Pollotta


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

--Washington Square Park

Girl #1: Where should we go, posh?
Girl #2: Posh? When did we go to posh again?
Girl #1: That was the night we left those Irish kids on the park bench.

--LIRR

Overheard by: Daniel

Guy to partner: Look! We can put lavender in our drawers!
Partner: I am not putting lavender in my drawers.

--Park Slope

Overheard by: marc v

Conductor: This is the last train. You have no other options, this is it. Get on this train.

--Metro North Rail

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your feet off the seats on this train. They belong on the floor; that's why it's there. If you can't put your feet on the floor because your luggage is there, don't worry: we took care of that too. Look up. That thing above your head is a luggage rack.

--NJ Transit, Penn Station

Announcement on NJ transit train: If you have young children, please take them...by the hand when leaving the train.

--Penn Station

Overheard by: JerseyJR

Train conductor: This is 18th Street, if this is your stop...get up! Give up that seat!

--1 Train

Overheard by: Chris K... at 11pm

Amtrak conductor: We are experiencing engine problems and need to change trains. But I want you to know that we have lost no altitude.

--Amtrak Train

Conductor, philosophical about delayed train: We don't usually have this type of delay at this time of day. But, well, here we are... (train starts to move) Aha! Here it is!

--A Train

Overheard by: Katie J

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, do you know where you are? (passengers are silent) I do! Hudson, next stop.

--Amtrak Train, Leaving Penn Station

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

--Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

--The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

--Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

--McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

--Fordham Gym

6'6" construction worker with another, to Applebee's host: For two, somewhere really romantic.

--Applebee's, 50th St

Construction worker with Staten Island accent: Chick's like a fuckin' black widow, like, she gets you all swollen up and then just leaves you to fuckin' die.

--47th & 6th

Overheard by: need a tissue?

Construction worker to friend: That guy's got a job at fuckin' fudge pack city!

--33rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Black construction worker to girl on street: Giiiiiirl, you lookin' good. (to orthodox boys) See, it's that easy.

--Near Edward R Murrow High School

Construction worker on scaffolding, yelling to another: Look! It's a bird! No! It's a plane! No! It's my cock!

--Driggs & N 12th, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Rebecca

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that...

--Crosstown Bus

Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!

--Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.

--107 & West End

Overheard by: kdub

Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog...

--1 Train

Overheard by: CreateEvity

Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me...that's a Marmaduke?

--3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff S.

Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.

--Wall Street

Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!

--Amtrak Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked

Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?

--W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.

--MoMA

Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now--I have diabetes.

--Marquis Theatre

Overheard by: Just here to see the show...

Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies...do you think I have rabies?

--Columbia University

Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.

--Dunkin' Donuts

Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes...just fuck me and then buy me lunch.

--Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!

--3rd Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Valley

Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?

--PATH Train

Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.

--Eldridge St, Chinatown

Overheard by: wheelerface

Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.

--E 20th St

Overheard by: Angela

250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!

--Grand Central

Overheard by: Chis K

Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.

--23rd & Lexington

Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.

--Grand Central Terminal

Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!

--28th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Jar Aaron

20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.

--Herkimer St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: M. Fresh

Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!

--E 9th St & University Place

Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012

Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.

--F Train

Overheard by: office peon

Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!

--Gee Whiz, Tribeca

Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!

--Uptown 2 Train

Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.

--96th & Broadway