Overheard In…

Heavy woman lugging suitcase to friends ahead of her: Wait! My breasts are falling out of my bra! I need help!

--Union Square

Overheard by: kpan

Girl walking through hall: So are your tits getting bigger?

--Fordham Lincoln Center Dorms

Overheard by: Growing pains

Girl on phone: Take my ass and add your boobs and it's like a wet dream in this neighborhood.

--Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: Julie

Guy smoking outside Starbucks: Well, we didn't have sex, but I did see her tits...in my head

--36th & 7th

Overheard by: Top Chef

English teacher: We're like cows, milking the intellectual tits of our minds.

--LaGuardia High School

Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?

--Union Square Greenmarket

Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?

--Metro North Train

Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!

--Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Visiting Kiran

Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!

--NYU Bus

Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.

--26th st & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lucky Gunther

Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.

--17th St & 8th Ave

Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?

--ACORN High School for Social Justice

Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.

--Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade

Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!

--Bryant Park

Overheard by: Margot

Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!

--St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Janelle

Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude...fuck Dakota Fanning!

--Palace Theatre

Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!

--E 17th St

Overheard by: the Big R

Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it...New York, New York!

--47th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Girl on cell, pacing outside of restaurant: What happened to you? It was so good to run into you, but you look like a homeless person!

--St. Mark's Place b/w Ave A & 1st Ave

Guy to young girl: I think the homeless guy on my block has real self-esteem issues.

--Astor Place

Manager to hobo: Jesus Christ, don't let me catch you here again! The Radisson is right around the corner!

--McDonald's

Power walking suit on phone: I know, I've never actually seen a female hobo before.

--Grand Central

Suit on cell: So like, she was homeless, right? But she look gooood!

--6th & 19th

Overheard by: Sanam Skelly

Woman at red table with water jug: Help the homeless! C'mon! They don't like dat shit!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Cracka Jack

Little kid to passerby: Poop! Bye bye, poopie!
Obnoxious girl, stopping in middle of street and glaring at kid: Did she just call me a poop? What the hell!
Girl's friend: "Poopie," not poop.

--Little Italy

Bragging lawyer: That's what Americans think about Africa. That it's all animals and shit.
(later) I could sleep like a baby in Vietnam! Easy.

--Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Two-year-old boy: Do you want to see my BlackBerry?
Babysitter: You have a BlackBerry?
Two-year-old boy: Yeah! I have a BlackBerry!

--Lincoln Center

High school brunette: Hey, how do you spell "who"?
High school blond: Are you retarded?
High school brunette: Just tell me!
High school blond: Wow, I can't believe I have to do this: h-o-u.

--75th & Park

Overheard by: Greg U.

Old lady being pushed into the train: Young man, you are crushing my package.
Young man: Lady, you're crushing my package, too.

--1 Train

Passenger to woman stumbling on crowded train and talking to herself: Shut up and take a shower you crackhead!
Drug-addled woman: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a dope-fiend!

--A Train

Overheard by: david

Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!

--Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Overweight black woman #1: She's just lying on the beach now, sippin' Bahama Mamas or some shit.
Overweight black woman #2: Shoot, girl. That's the life.
Overweight black woman #1: Ah, hell no. Fuck Bahama Mamas. I need me a penis, alotta.

--St. Mark's Place & 1st

Overheard by: Danny

Young, religious guy: Hey! Do you know Jesus?
Older guy: Of course, I'm Catholic!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Lily F.

Girl #1: ...like that time we saw Zack and Miri make a porno.
Girl #2: That was pretty deep.
Girl #1: But not as deep as Cancun.
Girl #2: True, true.

--Times Square

Man outside stall to presumed child: Okay champ, have you done your business in there?
Very deep voice from stall: Still working on it, thanks!

--Men's Room, Grand Central Station

Sales associate #1, assisting a customer: Are there any good thrillers in paperback?
Sales associate #2: No.

--Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Jake E

Raucous blond toddler, shouting: I want pickles!
Harried young mother, shouting back even louder: We have pickles at home! I will give you pickles!

--Broadway & Bleecker

Drunk hobo, eyeing designer bottled water: Hey lady, is that all vodka?
UES lady, without missing a beat: Not this morning.

--4 Train

Overheard by: austin

Girl to gay guy: If you were a bird, you would totally be one that wore a tuxedo every day.
Gay guy: Lets go to the Bronx Zoo.

--45th & Lexington

Overheard by: CBro

Student #1, commenting on hole in graph: Is it a black hole?
Student #2, sarcastically: No, a red hole.
Teacher, writing on brown blackboard: It's a brown hole.
(class bursts into laughter)

--Math Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Customer: I'll have a skim cafe au lait.
Barista: We call it a "cafe misto" here.
Cashier: Yeah, I think "cafe au lait" is Italian.

--Starbucks

Young boy, about stumbling kid: What's wrong with her? What should we do?
Confident nine-year-old girl: It's okay, she just had too much tequila.

--Fordham University

Overheard by: Stunned

Drunk black girl #1, hearing Hispanic dance song: I live in the Bronx. I hear this shit every day.
Drunk black girl #2: You live in Brooklyn.
Drunk black girl #1: My boyfriend lives in the Bronx and my rent is due.

--New Year's Eve Party, Spanish Harlem

Overheard by: Patrick

Mother, after listening to child talking nonstop: You are so bizarre.
Six-year-old boy, seriously: I eat bugs.

--Central Park

Overheard by: Good to Know

Teen #1: That's nasty, dude, she had strep throat last week. If you made out with her, you're totally gonna get strep throat.
Teen #2: Oh, fuck...can somebody get strep dick?

--N Train

Overheard by: -bill