Overheard In…

Woman, in line for bathroom: Is there actually anyone in the bathroom?
Man in front of her: Yeah.
Woman: Did someone die in there?
Man: I think the next person might.

--Starbucks, 2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: the dead guy's girlfriend

Headline by: Nick Pollotta

Runners-Up:
"Am I the Only One Fighting the Urge to Make a "Crappuccino" Joke Right Now?" - lauren beth
"I've Heard a Lot Of Screaming From Inside" - KMW
"Let's Use the Bathroom Of the Starbuck's Next Door" - Coyoty
"M. Night Shyamalan Finally Hits Rock Bottom" - Nick Pollotta
"Starbucks' Experiment With a Grande Broccoli and Bean Chai Latte Ended Then and There" - Chris
"Stephen King Is Running Out Of Material" - JohnAustin
"The Birth Of the "Ladies First" Concept" - Morning Glory


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Gangsta: Yo, you didn't even thank me when I was putting it in your ass!
Girl, indignant: I did thank you!

--Wagner College

Man going into deli: Don't you have a sweater?
Hobo: Yeah, I got one.
Man: Well, put it on--you will catch cold.
Hobo: I'll put it on later.
Man: Put it on now, you cannot afford to catch cold in your line of business.

--181st & Fort Washington

Girl #1: We can't cross now! There are cars coming!
Girl #2, beginning to walk into street: Well, they can't hit all of us.

--Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Following the leader

Guy #1, discussing Plaxico Burress: Who the hell would name their kid "Plaxico"? Sounds like the name of an equine.
Guy #2: A what?
Guy #1: A horse, nigga.
Guy #2: Sheeeit!

--Whitehall & Water

Overheard by: PJ P.

Blonde European: I get lost between the avenues.
Brunette European: Me too!

--16th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jenny and LaLa

NYC cop #1: You ever seen Bobby's World?
NYC cop #2: Yeah!

--The Pond, Manhattan

Overheard by: Oscar

Student, reading incorrectly from The Scarlet Letter: "Gorgeous luxuriance of fantasy..."
English teacher: "Fancy."
Student: "Fancy." I can't read.
English teacher: I know.

--English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Young daughter to mother flushing toilet: Mommy! It says "do not flush."
Mother: No, honey, it says "do not flush feminine products."
Young daughter: What are "feminine products"?
Mother (after pause): Lipstick.

--Macy's Bathroom, W 34th St

Overheard by: Brin

Man whore on cell: So for Christmas, I'm going to that strip club I met Susan at...just to do something special, ya know.
Religious woman: Because nothing says "I love my savior" like topless sluts and lap dances.

--Central Park

Overheard by: Jasper

Daughter: Is that our bus?
Mother: No, that's a tourist bus, we're waiting for the city bus.
Daughter: Hey! Is that the Empire State Building? It's really tall!
Mother: It's not that tall.
Daughter: I never saw it before.
Mother: You never looked up.

--34th St & 7th Ave

Preppy girl #1, in orgasmic voice: Candy-covered chocolate uggs!
Preppy girl #2: Shut up, Tiffany!

--M79 Bus

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Biology teacher: So guys, we're going to go over the stuff I didn't get to yesterday.
Student: Mr. Jones*, you're too good of a teacher to have missed anything. There's nothing left to cover.
Biology teacher: We'll continue as soon as Thomas* takes his lips off my butt.

--Stuyvesant High School

Sanitation worker #1: Man, I can't believe she broke it off after all I did for her.
Sanitation worker #2: Seriously! Them women are so ungrateful.
Sanitation worker #1: I put so much into that relationship, and bought her all this shit, and all I'm left with is crabs.

--Houston & Greene

Overheard by: office peon

Mom: You have to start feeding your birds, honey.
Little girl: I don't want to.
Mom: It's called "responsibility", you need...
Little girl, interrupting: I don't like birds!

--27th St

20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.

--Manhattan Ave & 110th St

Delivery guy, singing: Tra-la! Tra-la! Tra-la!
Halal meat kiosk guy, singing: Tra-la!
Delivery guy: Tra-la!
Kiosk guy: Tra-la!
Delivery guy: Tra-la!
Kiosk guy: Tra-la!
Delivery guy: Tra-la!
Kiosk guy: Tra-la!
Delivery guy: Tra-la!
Kiosk guy: Tra-la!

--43rd St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Pleasantly surprised

Girl #1: Your pussy smells like fish.
Girl #2: Your pussy smells like a light salmon.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah? Well, you're no more than a brook trout.

--110 & Amsterdam

Gay guy #1: Do you know that mice can survive longer without water than a camel?
Gay guy #2: That's gorgeous. I love it.

--East Village

Teen punk girl: You know, I don't get why people wear uggs. They're all like, "oh, they're warm, they're warm! I don't care if they're warm, they are not attractive!
Teen hipster friend: Yeah, I know, right?
Teen punk girl: There's many things that are warm, but that are not attractive. North Face ski coats are warm, are they attractive? No. Fat people must be warm, are they attractive? Fuck no!

--110th & Amsterdam

Angry parent: So what you are telling me is you know nothing about how my son's face got bruised.
Teacher: No, ma'am. Like I said, it happened at recess. I am on my lunch during their recess.
Angry parent: So you weren't there? You didn't see nothing?
Teacher: I did not see anything. I was not there. I was on my lunch.
Angry parent: So you wasn't there? You is his teacher but you's not with him all day?
Teacher: No ma'am. If I were with these students all day, I would kill myself.

--Public School, Bronx

Thug: Good afternoon, kind public. Y'all want some stolen shit? I got that.
(passing girl laughs)
Friend of thug: Don't laugh at that, that shit ain't funny.
Girl: Oh, but it so is.
Thug: Hey, little lady, may I interest you in some fine ass stolen shit?

--33rd & 8th

Preppy girl #1: Where's that Obama book?
Preppy girl #2: The Audacity of Hope?
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, that one.
Preppy girl #2: Why do you want that? It's not like you're gonna read it.
Preppy girl #1: I know, but I feel like if I did, I'd be a lot smarter, you know?

--Strands Book Store, Union Square

Teen #1: Man, this world is too overpopulated!
Teen #2: You know, if we changed all the "walk" signs to "don't walk," and all the "don't walk" signs to "walk," the problem would be solved!

--14th St & Broadway

Overheard by: that could work

Beggar to two girls: Jesus loves you.
Girl #1: No, he doesn't.
Beggar: Yes, he does! Jesus loves everyone!
Girl #2: Yeah, okay.
Beggar: But he does, he loves you!
Girl #1: No, really, he doesn't. She's Jewish.
Beggar: Shit, I'm sorrrry.

--8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Madelyn