Archive for the ‘Pittsburgh’ Category
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
Voting Line, Gym, Central Catholic.
Two CMU students have just noticed Dan Marino’s retired jersey:
Student #1: I forgot Dan Marino was from Pittsburgh.
Student #2: Who’s Dan Marino?
Student #1: You know, the guy from the Ace Ventura Movie?
Student #2: I don’t remember him.
Student #1: Remember, the guy was jealous of Dan Marino so he [...]
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Friday, September 19th, 2008
Mexico Lindo, Squirrel Hill.
A young hipster couple is leaving after getting change for the parking meter.
Hipster Chick: [incredulously] Did you see? A menorah in a Mexican store!
— Overheard by Lisa DiGioia-Nutini
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Thursday, September 18th, 2008
Library, Carnegie Melon University:
Guy: Do you know how tight these pants are? It’s like a boa constrictor on my crotch.
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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
Gym, Shaler:
Guy #1: Hey, I just got this subliminal tape that will help me to stop procrastinating.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? How’s it working?
Guy #1: I don’t know, I haven’t tried it yet.
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Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
Near convention center, Fort Duquesne Blvd., Downtown.
Two women are walking with a group of kids:
Girl: Look! People riding bicycles! Why are they riding bicycles?
Woman: Because it’s fuel efficient.
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Monday, June 9th, 2008
Subway, East Liberty.
A young woman holding her baby is talking to an older family member:
Young Woman: I hit that bitch so hard, she had to call 9-1-9!
Posted in Pittsburgh, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Friday, June 6th, 2008
Spluummphhh: Squirrel falling out of a 25-foot tree onto Greenfield Road in Schenley at 7 in the morning. Squirrel appeared uninjured and proceeded to scurry out of the road and onto a hillside.
— Reported filed by Officer Morning Runner
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Thursday, May 29th, 2008
Office Building, Downtown:
Man: What was (his) secretary’s name? You remember: real pretty girl, dark hair? She pulled him out when his tie got caught in the shredder.
— Overheard by Stephanie
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Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
North Side, Mexican War Streets. Wednesday Morning.
A young woman is walking down a quiet residential street, raging on her cell phone:
Woman: She COY! And that fuckin shit’s TIII-RRRRRED!
— Overheard by VertigoXpress
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Friday, May 16th, 2008
Entrance, Target, Harmarville
Male Security Guard: [fluttering eyelashes at other male security guard] My mama says I have pretty eyelashes!
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Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
Information Desk, Hillman Library, Pitt:
A group of homely Library Science majors are talking quietly amongst themselves.:
Girl #1: [Yelling] Oh, that’s right! I am so excited! American Gladiators starts up again next week!
Librarian: Shhh!
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Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
History Section, Border’s, Mt. Lebanon:
Hipster Girl: “What kind of books do I like?” The non-pretend ones.
Hipster Guy: [confused] You mean non-fiction?
Hipster Girl: That’s called non-fiction? Oh.
— Overheard by Jon
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Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
School Bus:
Girl #1: You know, Chinese people are like good at everything!
Girl #2: THAT’S COS THEY’RE POOR!
Girl #1:OoOhh
— Overheard by Dommy and Dean
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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
Amon Tobin Concert, Rangos Ballroom, CMU.
Two college-age girls are waiting for Amon Tobin to take the stage :
Girl #1: I mean, it’s just herpes simplex B.
Girl 2: That’s the good one, right? B is better than A. Unless you’re in school.
—Overheard by Chr Flyr
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Sunday, April 20th, 2008
Crowded 59U Outbound, Oakland.
Two Pitt students are standing in the middle of the bus as it pulls in front of CMU.
Bus Driver: Please step to the back!
Pitt Boy: Don’t. I wanna play my favorite game.
Pitt Girl: What game?
[The door of the bus opens.]
Bus Driver: [to sad CMU kids] Sorry, guys, no room!
Pitt Boy: [...]
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Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
Crowded Hallway, Tekkoshocon Anime Convention:
College Guy Dressed as Ninja: But I don’t want to be a ninja! I want to be a squirrel! Squirrels have all of the fun!
[Question: Why can’t he be both? Or more?]
Posted in Pittsburgh, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
Crowded Hallway, Tekkoshocon Anime Convention:
College Guy Dressed as Ninja: But I don’t want to be a ninja! I want to be a squirrel! Squirrels have all of the fun!
[Question: Why can’t he be both? Or more?]
Posted in Pittsburgh, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Monday, April 14th, 2008
Gullifty’s, Squirrel Hill:
Maid of Honor #1: I am going to be on a maid-of-honor tirade if people
don’t check themselves.
Maid of Honor #2: If they don’t check themselves, you gonna wreck them good.
Maid of Honor #1: People can call me a bitch. I can take that criticism. But if anyone steps to my [...]
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Thursday, April 10th, 2008
Packed 59U Outbound, Forbes/Morewood, Oakland:
Spunky Lady Busdriver: Move it in, people! You can’t be above the line!
[People push and yell]
Spunky Lady Busdriver: USE YOUR WORDS, people! “PLEASE AND THANK YOU!” Damn, yo mamas’ be ashamed!
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Thursday, April 10th, 2008
Chemistry Class, CMU.
The professor is explaining how toxic chemicals can get into the food supply and showing a scale of health problems occurring in different areas of the country based on river pollution.
Professor: OK, here’s where the northeast is on the scale. It’s already getting pretty high up there… Do you consider Pittsburgh to [...]
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Thursday, April 10th, 2008
Let’s be honest: The site’s a mess right now. It looks like something was changed in the template I’m using because I have seen other sites affected in the same way. Regardless, trying to figure out how to fix it, in addition to the requirements of grad school and work have kept me from focusing [...]
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Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
Dining Room, Duquesne Club.
Three Old, Rich White Guys are having dinner at the corner table:
Old, Rich White Guy: I’ve been having a lot of non-orgasm orgasms lately. Really, it’s the best mattress I ever bought.
Posted in Pittsburgh, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Meyran Ave, Oakland. Night.
Lights are being flicked on and off in an apartment:
Girl in Apartment: Come rave with me!
[Laughter can be heard from another apartment, across the street.]
Guy in Apartment: Shit, there’s people out there! [Quickly shuts the curtains.]
— Overheard by Carol
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Thursday, March 27th, 2008
Litchfield Towers Lobby, Pitt Campus:
Guy: So if you could have anyone sing a song about your life, who would it be?
Girl: I think it would have to be Justin Timberlake — not just because he’s a good singer, but he can really tell a story with his music.
— Overheard by Julia
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Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
Outside a bar, Ambridge. Evening.
A father is standing with his six-year-old son.
Child: [pointing at his father and running away into the Sunoco parking lot] STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!
Father: You get back here! That’s stranger danger over there!
— Overheard by Rachel and Dommy
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