And How Do They Know She’s A Girl?

April 3rd, 2009

Mother waiting in line to pay with her sons and husband: Boys, did you see that little girl over there? Wasn’t she cute?
Little boy #1: Yeah!
Little boy #2: She was a girl!!
Husband: Yes, she was a girl.
Little boy #2: And I’m a BOY!
Little boy #1: Me too!!
Husband: Oh really? And HOW do you know that you’re boys?
Little boys #1 and #2: WE HAVE GONADS!
Husband: YAY!!

Woodbury, Sam’s Club
Overheard by made MY day.

Not On The Bus

April 3rd, 2009

Happy yet ignorant-looking woman: Oh! Free rides on St. Patrick’s Day!

Minneapolis, on the 18
Overheard by It’s April, fool!

But It’s a Required Screening Question for Prospective Adoptive Parents

April 3rd, 2009

Teenage Asian girl: I have a question: would you want me to hang out with a vampire?
Old Hispanic woman: No!
Teenage Asian girl: Okay. I knew that.

--2 Train

Overheard by: Ryan



Posted 2009-04-03

Long Story Short, We Have a Fourth for Poker Tonight.

April 3rd, 2009

Girl #1: I saw the most crack-whorish looking girl today in Starbucks.
Girl #2: Now, was she crack-whorish or heroine chic? Because there is a difference.
Girl #1: No. She was definitely a crack whore. I mean. Imagine Courtney Love...now imagine Courtney Love run over by a train.

--W 4th

Overheard by: xanaxfashoin



Posted 2009-04-03

That’s Our Nation’s President, Dad.

April 3rd, 2009

Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it's Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!

--52nd & 7th



Posted 2009-04-03

Ben Stein’s “Clear Eyes” Commercials Get Creepier Every Year

April 3rd, 2009

Deli man: You have beautiful eyes.
Woman: Thank you.
Deli man: You better take care of them.

--63rd & 1st



Posted 2009-04-03

How do you shake hands?

April 3rd, 2009

Try connecting to the outside, sweetheart.

April 3rd, 2009

Wet the bed?

April 3rd, 2009

The Official Diagnosis Is Xboxitis Of The Attention Span

April 3rd, 2009

Kid #1 playing Halo 3 on Xbox: Hey man, how’s it going?
Kid #2: What did you say, I didn’t understand?
Kid #1 playing Halo 3 on Xbox: How could you not understand that? I mean, do you have dyslexia of the ear?

Roseville, at home
Overheard by CHUBBY2THEMAX

Bad Drunk Comes Later

April 3rd, 2009

Tiny drunk girl to other drunk girl: I’m drunk right now, but not like bad drunk… more like good drunk.

St. Paul, MN Wild Game
Overheard by I beg to differ on the good drunk…

Maybe it’s time to shut up

April 3rd, 2009

Now I See Your Twat Colors, Shining Through.

April 3rd, 2009

Latina chick to two friends: Fucking bitch whore keeps calling me!
Friend #1: Don't answa! Don't answa!
Friend #2: She's a bitch.
Latina chick: Don't call my motha a bitch, you twat.

--14th St & Ave A



Posted 2009-04-03

Does Yours Look Like Danny Devito, Too?

April 3rd, 2009

Woman in line at bank: I got a twin.
Friend: I think everybody do.

--HSBC, Boreum Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tony Cimino, DMA



Posted 2009-04-03

Then the Answer Is No.

April 3rd, 2009

Jappy girl #1: Ewww, I can't believe I had sex with him Saturday night.
Jappy girl #2: Was it good?
Jappy girl #1: I don't know, it was only for like 20 seconds.

--3rd Ave & 34th St



Posted 2009-04-03

And Some Wonder Why People Avoid Public Transportation

April 2nd, 2009

Which, If I’m Not Mistaken, Makes Us Relatives.

April 2nd, 2009

Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um...what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!

--Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Julzz



Posted 2009-04-03

Your Editors Find Themselves Drunk With All the Possiblities

April 2nd, 2009

20-something girl to friend: You can't be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I'm telling you what.
20-something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!

--Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman



Posted 2009-04-03

The Law Retains Some Sexist Vestiges Of Chivalry

April 2nd, 2009

Hood teen #1: So they told me if I fight her I'll get arrested.
Hood teen #2: Why? She pregnant?

--L Train

Overheard by: Jamma Mamma



Posted 2009-04-02

Those Can Be Serious

April 2nd, 2009

Nerdy Girl: I didn’t want to fight last night because I forgot my jill. And what would I say if I had to explain it to my mom? I got hurt just a little bit lower down.
Nerdy girl’s friend: What, like a concussion on your vagina?

St. Paul, St. Kates
Overheard by its called your princess.

She Prefers Not to Date Outside Of Her Faith

April 2nd, 2009

Young bodega rat on corner: Dude, she just told me to go fuck myself!
Bodega rat's friend: That's cause she gangsta--you not!

--Hamilton Heights, 137th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lo Fisch



Posted 2009-04-02

Where Were Those Voices Coming From?

April 2nd, 2009

Girl talking to herself: Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Girl #2: Who were you talking to?
Girl talking to herself: YOU.
Girl#2: I wasn’t saying anything.
Girl talking to herself: Really?

Maplewood, MPA
Overheard by Dazzling Drawer.

It’s Gluten Free And I Am Not Desperate For Your Approval

April 2nd, 2009

Waitress trying to impress restaurant critic at a new-age, go-green cafe: Here’s our rhubarb pie, it’s gluten free. (critic takes a bite) It’s gluten free. (pause) It doesn’t have wheat.

Duluth, Chester Creek Cafe
Overheard by Wait, does that have gluten in it?

Um, Isn’t That the Tablecloth and Bed Linens Floor?

April 2nd, 2009

Fat woman, stopping sales lady: Hold up. Where are all the clothes for fat teenagers?
Sales lady: Uhh...uhh...7th floor.

--Macy's, Herald Square



Posted 2009-04-02

Well It’s Not Like Everybody Loves Him

April 2nd, 2009

Ghetto girl #1: Raymond is gay.
Ghetto girl #2: No wonder he kisses like a bitch!
Ghetto girl #1: Maybe he don't like those rough-ass African lips...

--5 Train

Overheard by: wink



Posted 2009-04-02